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Why Artie McAulley will never visit the American Colony again.
Young Artie, half step nephew in law of Enus McAnus III, during summer hollidays, took the oppurnity to visit with kin in the State of Utah, Colony of America. After the grueling grind of the studies at the University of Edinburg, a respite from the flatland fillys would be welcome.
Artie stayed with remote cousin Mordaci McMerkle and his wee tribe just abaft o the tiny town of Clear Creek. The town was in a National forrest and at an elevation of well over a mile. Game abounded, the air was so clear that one could not see what they were breathin and the altitude did wonders to the brain when augmented with a wee drap o single malt.
Artie took to takin lang walks in the forrest, armed with camera, assorted lenses, lunch, monocular, sketch pad, thumpin stick, and the many other accuterments attendant to bein a tourist. Mordaci gave Artie a pair of military style trousers with the many and voluminous pockets. Artie bein a slim lad; encountered problems keepin the trousers up, especialy toward the end o the dy when the pockets were loaded with rocks, cones and other pretties. Holdin em up with a belt was not the answer due to the chaffing on his hips from the weight. The answer seemed to be a pair o industrial strength braces ( suspenders ) obtained from a building supply merchant.
The time flew and the days were glorious and rife with new and wonderous experiences till the suspenders literly let Artie down and cost him a bundle o money.
It seems that the call of nature struck, Artie flipped the fronts off o the suspenders and hunkered over a down log to deficate in the woods. Along came a black bear, Artie jumped up, the suspenders had a double problem, first they were firmly hooked to a branch on the ground and secondly they were under the new pile. The suspenders stretched mightely then released; slinging a great gob of fresh dung against the back of Arties head. The black bear observed this and understood, twas an older bear with a weak heart and it promptly died laughing. With uncanny timelyness, along came a Government Game Keeper who cited Artie for killin the bear out of season, in a National Forest, without a license etc. Verra expensive.
From then on Artie stays close ta his homeland and lets the bears do the ****tin in the woods.
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