Nutcase woman harassing me, on high alert.

[spacemanspiff]

what were you 'scared' of? that she would come back and tell your parents some stories? or that your life was in danger? did she threaten you with bodily harm? i didnt read any of that in your account. and if you didnt want to go over there with your friend, you should have gotten out of the vehicle or had him drop you off somewhere else.
it sounds to me like you wanted a confrontation, and the reality of it made you forget about threat assessment. also, i'm not sure about the laws in your state, but there usually is a minimum age as to possession or even full access to weapons are. in my state it is 16.

[ojibweindian]

Drop this "friend" like a wet sack of stinking dung, then 'fess up to the folks. A dime to a dollar says that if they haven't already found out, they will. How can I say this? Easy, I am the step father of a 16 year old boy, and I find out about EVERY screw up of his within a matter of days.

After our first few "chats", his screw-ups aren't nearly as severe.

[Blackhawk]

The only thing that I am afraid of is when I tell him that I am going to find a new friend,

You don't TELL him anything. You just "have other things to do" or you "are busy" when he wants to do things, you don't get together anymore, and you don't initiate anything else. Sheesh... !

[HKguy9]

Nsf003,

I am a few years older than you (22)...as everyone here has said, learn the difference between 'buds', 'acquaintances' and friends.

Kind of sobering, that I know hundreds of people, but I don't think I can count the number of friends I have on one hand.

After I left for college 40 miles to the south of my hometown (los Angeles) I only kept in touch with 2 people, the rest of them are distant memories.

There are two types of people in this world: those who give a crap and those who don't...don't be friends with anyone of the latter.

[Betty]

Middle school/high schools years are the worst for gossip, too. Rumors spread and distort like a plague.

If this "friend" is willing to yap to people about whatever you've done, what about if he knows you've got guns or has access to them? If he's back-stabbed you before, imagine the power he has to blurt "--- has guns, and he might pop somebody off with them" when he's mad at you? in this day and age, it's enough to make people freak out and think you're the next Klebold or Harris.

If you don't want to swifty dump him as a friend because you're afraid it might make matters worse (as you stated), wean him off of you. "Sorry, can't ride around with you today. Gotta finish --- today." He'll eventually find another "main buddy" to hang with.

[nsf003]

1. Drop friend...he isn't. (Done, more painless than I would have imagined. He is so weak that he just said ok, fine in a normal tone and then hung up. No pleading or anything, was sort of suprised. Not a very good "friend".) Thanks for this tip, I know it will save me some grief in the future.

2. Come clean with your parents. (Done that too, got a few lectures and a few more, felt like total [color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color] for a while , feel somewhat better now.) Thank you for telling me to do this. You have made my life easier.

3. Get your own act together. (I am working on this one.)

I don't really know why I was in denial and I apologize. I thank you all for your wisdom and insight. Thank you for not just ignoring me.

nsf

[Blackhawk]

De nada.

Good luck to you, and DON'T screw up!

[HankB]

don't really know why I was in denial and I apologize...

No need to apologize to us. The important thing is that this was a learning experience.

As you get older and more experienced, you'll look around and start to learn from other people's mistakes. (Awww, heck, now I'm starting to sound like my own father!)

[griz]

You will find out that having completed items 1 and 2 will go a long way toward item 3. Keep up the good work.

[ahenry]

I don't really know why I was in denial and I apologize.

No biggie

Everybody makes mistakes. Part of what separates the men from the boys is owning up to mistakes and their consequences and then rectifying them.

[Libertarian]

nsf003, you're waffling. You know the right thing to do - do it. Dump your (un)friend, tell your parents your terrible secrets and when you get off restriction find a new friend.

As was said earlier "a real (hu)man owns up to his mistakes" Show your parents what you're made of and do the right thing now.

[Kestryll]

It sounds like he is on the right road. However, did anyone else catch the phrase "my shotgun" while admonishing him about his dad's weapons? Do you own the weapons you were using nsf?

As far as it being an over-reaction, after several years working in the psych field and going on to the wards for work, no it is not an over-reaction. I've seen a true psycho in action, you come to my door acting crazy I WILL treat you like the threat you ARE.

Nsf, good move to drop the "friend", but who were you with when you did the things you had to tell your parents about? If you have to hide what you do with someone for shame or fear, they are not your friend. Perhaps it is time to take a look at the whole picture. before yo do something with a friend, think if it is something you would be o.k. telling Mom about in the morning, or you Wife in the future. Stay cool and keep your head.

Remember, if you can keep your head while those about you lose thiers, you obviously don't have enough info.

[C.R.Sam]

nsf003....I'm flabbergasted, 1 and 2 already done.
Workin on #3.
Good goin.

Kestryll has sage advice re the others with whom you have done shady things. They are not your friends either.
Make that problem part of #3.

Apology accepted but was not necessary. Your swift and positive actions speak loudly.

Sam

[nsf003]

I bought the weapons with my own money, but I think they are under my dad's name.

I was with him when I did the things. I have made the decision to steer clear of him because I will eventually get into bigger trouble. I suppose that this whole incident was really a blessing in disguise.

nsf

[croyance]

I'm with C.R. Sam on this. Pleasantly surprised you took care of things so fast.
It's been said, but hey, it rounds out this post: A smart man learns from his mistakes, a smarter man learns from the mistakes of others. Your willingness to do so is a great thing.
Like I said before, half the lecturing from your parents is because they made mistakes when they were young, and don't want you to do the same.
The tough part about getting your act together is what you do when you are bored. This is especially true when you are young and dependent on others for mobility. When changing friends or social groups, you may end up with some free time. You don't want to end up doing the same things or be around the same people as when you did those things you were lectured for.
Another problem in dealing with the past is the people around you. You go to school with the same people, live in the same neighborhood. For a while, they will still see you as the person you were, not the person you are trying to be. Don't be discouraged and give it time. Consider it paying your dues.

[nsf003]

When I make up my mind about something, I usually act on it quickly. I always do things quickly, I walk quickly.

nsf

[JohnKSa]

First, you would have done better to follow advice and just drift away from your friend rather than risk making him mad which could lead to a needless confrontation or possible retaliation.

Second, you really need to rethink your philosophy about guns. In your description of the events, I saw nothing that should have even came close to making you think that firearms were part of the solution. There was no force or even the threat of force. The woman came to see your dad and said so. When you said he wasn't there she left and said she'd be back. A rational person would have realized that she meant she would be back when your dad was there since speaking with him was clearly her goal. There was nothing remotely threatening about anything she did or said unless you REALLY glossed over the story details.

Agreed, it's not fun to be screamed at, nor is it fun to have someone threaten to tell on you, but neither of those things should make you think that you need to go get your guns and load them.

In retrospect, you are quick to say that you didn't brandish the weapons and that everything was legal. However, if she had returned before anyone else arrived, but after you got the guns out, I don't think it's a stretch to say that you would be in jail now for brandishing. At least you'd be in a lot of trouble for saying something to her that could be construed as an armed threat.

You don't realize that the real danger in all of this was that you came very close to wrecking your life by immediately trying to make guns part of the solution.

Before you start defending yourself again let me ask you one question. Did you tell your parents about getting out the guns and loading them?

[nsf003]

I don't want this thread to go in the direction of the guy who was followed and he chambered his Ruger in plain sight of the following party. Quit blaming me for something I didn't and wouldn't have done.

What part of I NEVER SHOWED THEM TO OR POINTED THEM AT HER AND I WOULDN'T USE THEM UNLESS SHE ACTUALLY FORCED HER WAY INTO THE HOUSE, SHE DIDN'T SEE THEM, AND SHE WOULDNT SEE THEM IF SHE WERE TO RETURN. I DON'T BELIEVE IN SHOWING HER THE GUN TRYING TO SCARE HER AWAY, THAT WOULD GIVE HER MORE AMMO TO USE AGAINST ME. I WOULD NOT HAVE DRAWN SHOULD SHE HAVE RETURNED. I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER TO LEAVE OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE. AND IF SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE, I WOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE AND WAITED IT OUT IN MY ROOM don't you understand.

Tis better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6

nsf

[Jason Demond]

I think you did good!

[4V50 Gary]

At this point, it sounds like everything is Code 4 and we can give ourselves a collective pat on the back as Group Counselors (we only counsel in the safety of a group) or as Virtual Big Brothers (no, not KGB style Big Brother but as in the Big Brother program that provided buddies/mentors for fatherless kids).

[nsf003]

I feel much better. Thank you TFL.

nsf

[Jeeper]

Ditto exactly what Gary said. I have about 4 Friends, everyone else is just a buddy. I say ditch your buddy and his crazy woman.

[JohnKSa]

nsf003,

I understand what you said perfectly but what you WOULD HAVE DONE isn't really the issue.

What you DID is what worries me. Exactly what did the woman do or say that made you think you might need a loaded gun?

BTW, I noticed you neglected to answer my question.

Did you tell your parents about getting out the guns and loading them? If not, why not?

[Blackhawk]

Have your thoughts about this issue you raised earlier changed in light of your recent experience on this thread?

Just curious....

[WyldOne]

Okay I'm coming into this a bit late, but I still have a couple comments.

First, a rhetorical question.

She told me that she had stuff on me and was going to ruin me and tell my dad about all of the terrible things I had ever done to anyone.

Who is the grown up in this situation? Is this really any way for an adult to act?

Also, I guess I don't really understand the reasoning behind dumping a friend because you don't like his girlfriend and her mom. But, what's done is done, I guess I just don't get it.