An Open Letter

LawDog · June 17, 2004, 08:26 PM

Good evening, folks.

Today I would like to rant about a particularly irritating habit I've noticed developing amongst the horde of carpet-bagging, mouth-breathing, bunny-hugging, veggie-gnawing, mono-synaptic, close-minded dacoits who are tip-toeing through my fair State like a horde of lobotomized, politically-correct, apron-hanging rhinocerii.

You. Yes, you. The weasel with the organic hemp clothes, the questionable hygiene, and the index finger inserted knuckle-deep in your sinus cavities.

Listen to me carefully. I'll go slow:

Law and Order is a TV show. The Practice is a TV show. They are written by brain-burned colleagues of yours who have about as much understanding of Law as an amoeba has of a tesseract.

And here's the important part: The "laws" that Hollywood twists beyond all reason and sanity for the sake of drama are loosely -- very loosely -- based on New York laws. And California laws. Not, not I say, Texas law.

The next one of you invertebrates who tries to metaphorically beat me about the shoulders with a bastardized Hollywood version of a liberalized California Penal Code is going to get ridden out of the County on a rail. Covered with asphalt. And synthetic chicken feathers.

Write this down:

Texas does not have a law entitled "brandishing". And even if we did, carrying your rifle from your pickup to your house would not violate such a dumb-bunny law.

Texas does not have any laws concerning the carry of shotguns and/or rifles. Yes, he can carry his rifle over his shoulder as he walks down the farm-to-market road. Deal with it.

Texas does not have any laws concerning ammunition. It is not against the law to have loose ammo in your vehicle. Or your pockets. Or in the change plate at church.

Texas does not register guns. Period. Suck it up.

Texas does not have the legal term "assault rifle". It's a rifle. It's legal. Shut your pie hole and evolve into a spine.

Deputy Friendly will explain this to you once. Maybe twice. The third time he has to listen to your snivelling, whining, lying claptrap, he is going to turn into Deputy Irritated. This should be taken as a warning.

It should not be taken as a reason to refer to the Deputy as a "jumped up prison guard"; and I should warn you that threatening the Sheriff of a Texas County with the disfavour of a Mayor or a Chief of Police does usually get met with giggles.

If things were that great back whereverthehell you came from, why are you polluting my county?

We're happy with our laws. Texas laws have worked just fine for Texas. If we wanted the California garbage they call a Penal code, we'd have moved to California. If New York is that great, I-35 is that way. Leave your daughters at the state line.

Oh, Sam Waterson nothwithstanding, Texas Law does not require a Breathalyzer to arrest someone for Public Intoxication. And yes, we know what marihuana smoke smells like. And yes, being stoned on mota, standing on a public road, trying to tell a deputy sheriff that a man doesn't have the God-given right to carry his own damned rifle on his own damned property is pretty much a text-book definition of Public Intoxication.

*snarl*

LawDog

Fred Hansen · June 17, 2004, 09:00 PM

RickD · June 17, 2004, 09:43 PM

LawDog,

Yeah, I hate it when the script writers reflexively assume that Kentucky as a gun registration law which happy homeowner has violated.

Do you have specific references which are annoying you?

Rick

TheeBadOne · June 17, 2004, 09:54 PM

For LawDog

garrettwc · June 17, 2004, 11:56 PM

OH my! Did the bus to Austin break down again?

Well put sir.

**Bud Helms** · June 18, 2004, 07:47 AM

Got to love it. 'Sounds like the last of a breed. 'Don't have many of them left here in Georgia. The stain from Hotlanta is spreading all over the state.

Cal4D4 · June 18, 2004, 10:09 AM

Just cuff them up 'Dog and drag them back to our border; we'll take it from there. Sometimes they get away when we don't watch real close. I don't really mind them coming back - we all must do our part to help the hindered - but I just wish they couldn't vote. Soon you will wish this also.

Kaboom · June 18, 2004, 10:25 AM

I'm guessing that this wouldn't be a real good time to cruise through your county. Expecially in an old convertable, toking on a pipe, and sucking on Strawberry Hill. Probably wouldn't be best to say " what you want pig"

when pulled over. The really sad part is it will get worse. Maybe having the person carrying his firearm on his own property should explain why he can to said idiot.

scbair · June 18, 2004, 12:01 PM

Dadgum, that's funny. Except . . .

In my younger, wilder days as a uniformed city cop in SC, I was particularly bemused by some of the "imports" we got from the northeastern section of the country, who, for whatever misguided reason, decided to become POlice in a southern hamlet.

One, in particular, stands out in my (fading) memory. He spoke with a NY accent that would make yo mammy cry, but was a decent enough fellow, for all that.

One evening, as we were patrolling neighboring territories, he radioed for backup. I arrived to find him with one of our fine citizens handcuffed, and pressed bodily across the hood of an ol' pickup truck. I rushed to his side, inquiring as to the nature of his distress. He smirked, and nodded toward the cab of the pickup.

"I pulled this guy over for speeding, and look what's in there."

I looked, then looked harder, but saw nothing amiss. So, I asked, "What are you talking about?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "You don't see that rifle? He admitted to me it's loaded!"

Well, I had seen the old Winchester M94, of course, but was actually looking for something illegal . . . I advised him, and he froze, looked back at me, and said, "Wait, let me guess; it's not illegal to ride around downtown with a loaded rifle on the seat beside you, in SC, is it?"

Me: "Well, to be honest, no, it's not illegal."

Him: "Uhhh, so now what do I do?"

Me: "Practice that little-known and rarely used legal procedure: the 'UN-ARREST'."

After he was allowed to stand on his feet, and uncuffed, I explained to the gentleman that my fellow officer was a Noo Yawker, who really knew no better, and should be cut some slack. The old guy stared at me for a minute, glanced over at my cohort, and cackled like a maniac. Shook his head, climbed back into his truck, and smoked off into the darkness.

Ignorant citizens? No problem. Ignorant fellow officers? Oh, man . . .

Denny Hansen · June 18, 2004, 04:36 PM

sw44wcf · June 18, 2004, 06:18 PM

Sorry all, thisn really doesn't stay with the spirit of Lawdogs post tho it does have to do with Texas State laws and enforcement..
I was just reading online the www.brownsvilleherald.com article of a teen arrested for fliping another citizen the bird

Hmmmm?

12-34hom · June 18, 2004, 06:35 PM

Sounds to me like your a little tweeked, but5 that's just my take on your rANT....

12-34hom.

**Rich Lucibella** · June 18, 2004, 07:02 PM

I already knew why we love LawDog after 3716 posts.....
But scbair- We already like you alot after just 12!

Good humor is wonderfully therapeutic. Universal humor can change the world! Both fall into the second category.
Rich

Quartus · June 18, 2004, 07:57 PM

I'll second that! Keep it up, 'bair!

sskraft · June 18, 2004, 08:55 PM

Lawdog, yours is the first post that I have read since I discovered that TFL was back in business. As always it was well worth it. Thanks.

After almost 2 years in the wilderness, I have returned to TFL, and man is it good to be back among friends.

citizen · June 18, 2004, 09:20 PM

.....what he just said!!!

Hal · June 19, 2004, 03:18 AM

Quote:

for whatever misguided reason, decided to become POlice in a southern hamlet

Too funny..reads like po'ed lice..

Major Kong · June 19, 2004, 07:24 AM

OK, now that you're done setting that straight, I have a big job for you up here in NJ.

bobs1066 · June 19, 2004, 08:20 AM

With just the smallest amount of luck, I'll be shaking the Kansas dust from my feet in the near future & moving back to the Lone Star State. Can't hardly wait.

CastleBravo · June 19, 2004, 09:32 AM

This needs to be a sticky!

- Signed, a damned dirty New England Yankee carpetbagger.

priv8ter · June 19, 2004, 10:55 AM

I think I'm gonna cry...that was so sweet...now look, misty eyed...

I just love this guy....

LawDog for president 2008!

greg

ahenry · June 19, 2004, 12:28 PM

CastleBravo,

HAHAHAHAHA!, I 'bout fell out of my chair at that.

LawDog,

Carpetbagger or no, that was a dang good post.

CastleBravo · June 19, 2004, 03:13 PM

I guess this isn't the time I should mention that I came to Texas to chase all your Shiner Bock and drink all your Women...

ahenry · June 20, 2004, 09:41 AM

AHHH! Now there are two people I used to think were good Texans that have turned out to be nothing but carpetbaggers! No wonder my beloved state is going down the tubes.

Just kidding guys. I guess not all you Yankee carpetbaggers are bad for Texas...some of you might even be good for her...well, prolly just you two. Dang that is hard to admit.

Rtex12 · June 20, 2004, 10:01 AM

Thanks, LawDog! More, please!

R-Tex12

June 17, 2004, 08:26 PM	#1
LawDog Staff Emeritus Join Date: September 15, 1999 Location: Where am I going? Why am I in this handbasket? Posts: 4,194	An Open Letter Good evening, folks. Today I would like to rant about a particularly irritating habit I've noticed developing amongst the horde of carpet-bagging, mouth-breathing, bunny-hugging, veggie-gnawing, mono-synaptic, close-minded dacoits who are tip-toeing through my fair State like a horde of lobotomized, politically-correct, apron-hanging rhinocerii. You. Yes, you. The weasel with the organic hemp clothes, the questionable hygiene, and the index finger inserted knuckle-deep in your sinus cavities. Listen to me carefully. I'll go slow: Law and Order is a TV show. The Practice is a TV show. They are written by brain-burned colleagues of yours who have about as much understanding of Law as an amoeba has of a tesseract. And here's the important part: The "laws" that Hollywood twists beyond all reason and sanity for the sake of drama are loosely -- very loosely -- based on New York laws. And California laws. Not, not I say, Texas law. The next one of you invertebrates who tries to metaphorically beat me about the shoulders with a bastardized Hollywood version of a liberalized California Penal Code is going to get ridden out of the County on a rail. Covered with asphalt. And synthetic chicken feathers. Write this down: Texas does not have a law entitled "brandishing". And even if we did, carrying your rifle from your pickup to your house would not violate such a dumb-bunny law. Texas does not have any laws concerning the carry of shotguns and/or rifles. Yes, he can carry his rifle over his shoulder as he walks down the farm-to-market road. Deal with it. Texas does not have any laws concerning ammunition. It is not against the law to have loose ammo in your vehicle. Or your pockets. Or in the change plate at church. Texas does not register guns. Period. Suck it up. Texas does not have the legal term "assault rifle". It's a rifle. It's legal. Shut your pie hole and evolve into a spine. Deputy Friendly will explain this to you once. Maybe twice. The third time he has to listen to your snivelling, whining, lying claptrap, he is going to turn into Deputy Irritated. This should be taken as a warning. It should not be taken as a reason to refer to the Deputy as a "jumped up prison guard"; and I should warn you that threatening the Sheriff of a Texas County with the disfavour of a Mayor or a Chief of Police does usually get met with giggles. If things were that great back whereverthehell you came from, why are you polluting my county? We're happy with our laws. Texas laws have worked just fine for Texas. If we wanted the California garbage they call a Penal code, we'd have moved to California. If New York is that great, I-35 is that way. Leave your daughters at the state line. Oh, Sam Waterson nothwithstanding, Texas Law does not require a Breathalyzer to arrest someone for Public Intoxication. And yes, we know what marihuana smoke smells like. And yes, being stoned on mota, standing on a public road, trying to tell a deputy sheriff that a man doesn't have the God-given right to carry his own damned rifle on his own damned property is pretty much a text-book definition of Public Intoxication. snarl LawDog __________________ "The Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer." --The 13th Warrior Bona na Croin The LawDog Files

June 17, 2004, 09:00 PM	#2
Fred Hansen Senior Member Join Date: May 30, 2001 Location: The middle of WWIII Posts: 3,335	__________________ "This started out as a documentary on gun violence in America, but the largest mass murder in our history was just committed -- without the use of a single gun! Not a single bullet fired! No bomb was set off, no missile was fired, no weapon (i.e., a device that was solely and specifically manufactured to kill humans) was used. A boxcutter! -- I can't stop thinking about this. A thousand gun control laws would not have prevented this massacre. What am I doing?" Michael Moore

June 18, 2004, 07:47 AM	#6
Bud Helms Senior Member Join Date: December 31, 1999 Location: Middle Georgia, USA Posts: 13,198	LawDog, just give me the giggling fits, why don'tcha! Got to love it. 'Sounds like the last of a breed. 'Don't have many of them left here in Georgia. The stain from Hotlanta is spreading all over the state.

June 18, 2004, 10:25 AM	#8
Kaboom Senior Member Join Date: November 7, 2000 Location: North Mo. Posts: 640	I'm guessing that this wouldn't be a real good time to cruise through your county. Expecially in an old convertable, toking on a pipe, and sucking on Strawberry Hill. Probably wouldn't be best to say " what you want pig" when pulled over. The really sad part is it will get worse. Maybe having the person carrying his firearm on his own property should explain why he can to said idiot. __________________ If gun control laws are just why shouldn't term limits be just? Both would be for the same purpose of controlling a dangerous item because of careless use.

June 18, 2004, 04:36 PM	#10
Denny Hansen Staff Emeritus Join Date: June 29, 2001 Location: Prescott Valley, AZ Posts: 2,422	__________________ S.W.A.T. Magazine Weapons, Training and Tactics for the Real World Join us at TFL or at AR15.com or on Facebook

June 17, 2004, 09:43 PM	#3
RickD Junior member Join Date: November 19, 1999 Location: Arizona Posts: 1,920	LawDog, Yeah, I hate it when the script writers reflexively assume that Kentucky as a gun registration law which happy homeowner has violated. Do you have specific references which are annoying you? Rick

June 17, 2004, 09:54 PM	#4
TheeBadOne Junior member Join Date: January 12, 2002 Location: USA Posts: 1,191	For LawDog

June 17, 2004, 11:56 PM	#5
garrettwc Senior Member Join Date: October 3, 2001 Posts: 641	OH my! Did the bus to Austin break down again? Well put sir.

June 18, 2004, 10:09 AM	#7
Cal4D4 Senior Member Join Date: June 18, 2001 Location: southern california Posts: 679	Just cuff them up 'Dog and drag them back to our border; we'll take it from there. Sometimes they get away when we don't watch real close. I don't really mind them coming back - we all must do our part to help the hindered - but I just wish they couldn't vote. Soon you will wish this also.

June 18, 2004, 12:01 PM	#9
scbair Member Join Date: May 18, 2004 Posts: 72	Dadgum, that's funny. Except . . . In my younger, wilder days as a uniformed city cop in SC, I was particularly bemused by some of the "imports" we got from the northeastern section of the country, who, for whatever misguided reason, decided to become POlice in a southern hamlet. One, in particular, stands out in my (fading) memory. He spoke with a NY accent that would make yo mammy cry, but was a decent enough fellow, for all that. One evening, as we were patrolling neighboring territories, he radioed for backup. I arrived to find him with one of our fine citizens handcuffed, and pressed bodily across the hood of an ol' pickup truck. I rushed to his side, inquiring as to the nature of his distress. He smirked, and nodded toward the cab of the pickup. "I pulled this guy over for speeding, and look what's in there." I looked, then looked harder, but saw nothing amiss. So, I asked, "What are you talking about?" He rolled his eyes and said, "You don't see that rifle? He admitted to me it's loaded!" Well, I had seen the old Winchester M94, of course, but was actually looking for something illegal . . . I advised him, and he froze, looked back at me, and said, "Wait, let me guess; it's not illegal to ride around downtown with a loaded rifle on the seat beside you, in SC, is it?" Me: "Well, to be honest, no, it's not illegal." Him: "Uhhh, so now what do I do?" Me: "Practice that little-known and rarely used legal procedure: the 'UN-ARREST'." After he was allowed to stand on his feet, and uncuffed, I explained to the gentleman that my fellow officer was a Noo Yawker, who really knew no better, and should be cut some slack. The old guy stared at me for a minute, glanced over at my cohort, and cackled like a maniac. Shook his head, climbed back into his truck, and smoked off into the darkness. Ignorant citizens? No problem. Ignorant fellow officers? Oh, man . . .

June 18, 2004, 06:18 PM	#11
sw44wcf Junior Member Join Date: May 28, 2004 Location: Alaska, The Last Frontier. Posts: 4	Strange Texas Laws- Sorry all, thisn really doesn't stay with the spirit of Lawdogs post tho it does have to do with Texas State laws and enforcement.. I was just reading online the www.brownsvilleherald.com article of a teen arrested for fliping another citizen the bird Hmmmm? __________________

June 18, 2004, 06:35 PM	#12
12-34hom Senior Member Join Date: June 8, 1999 Location: Iowa - northeastern Posts: 1,810	Don't mess with Texas toast. Sounds to me like your a little tweeked, but5 that's just my take on your rANT.... 12-34hom. __________________ This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend, it is my life. I must master itas i master my life.Without me my rifle is useless, without my rifle i am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I Will. Before God i swear this creed. My rifle and myself are defenders of my country. We are masters of our enemy. We are saviours of my life. So be it until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

June 18, 2004, 07:02 PM	#13
Rich Lucibella Staff Join Date: October 6, 1998 Location: South Florida Posts: 10,229	I already knew why we love LawDog after 3716 posts..... But scbair- We already like you alot after just 12! Good humor is wonderfully therapeutic. Universal humor can change the world! Both fall into the second category. Rich __________________ S.W.A.T. Magazine Weapons, Training and Tactics for the Real World Join us at TFL or at AR15.com or on Facebook

June 18, 2004, 07:57 PM	#14
Quartus Senior Member Join Date: May 8, 2001 Location: Virginia Posts: 3,823	I'll second that! Keep it up, 'bair! __________________ . Better to know what you don't know than to think you know what you don't know.

June 18, 2004, 08:55 PM	#15
sskraft Member Join Date: December 7, 1998 Location: Richmond, VA Posts: 21	Lawdog, yours is the first post that I have read since I discovered that TFL was back in business. As always it was well worth it. Thanks. After almost 2 years in the wilderness, I have returned to TFL, and man is it good to be back among friends.

June 18, 2004, 09:20 PM	#16
citizen Senior Member Join Date: September 12, 2000 Posts: 796	.....what he just said!!! __________________ ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM NRA, GOA, AOC Ignorance can be cured, Stupid is forever Life is too short for dial-up

June 19, 2004, 07:24 AM	#18
Major Kong Member Join Date: June 5, 2004 Posts: 67	OK, now that you're done setting that straight, I have a big job for you up here in NJ. __________________ "The target's in sight. Where in the hell is Major Kong?"

June 19, 2004, 08:20 AM	#19
bobs1066 Senior Member Join Date: February 12, 2001 Location: Eastern Kansas Posts: 222	With just the smallest amount of luck, I'll be shaking the Kansas dust from my feet in the near future & moving back to the Lone Star State. Can't hardly wait.

June 19, 2004, 09:32 AM	#20
CastleBravo Senior Member Join Date: December 11, 1999 Posts: 2,144	This needs to be a sticky! - Signed, a damned dirty New England Yankee carpetbagger.

June 19, 2004, 10:55 AM	#21
priv8ter Senior Member Join Date: February 27, 2002 Location: Silverdale, Wa Posts: 356	Sniff, Sniff.... I think I'm gonna cry...that was so sweet...now look, misty eyed... I just love this guy.... LawDog for president 2008! greg __________________ "Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to make your second shot perfect" "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity" -Lazerus Long

June 19, 2004, 12:28 PM	#22
ahenry Senior Member Join Date: January 25, 2001 Location: Alabama Posts: 1,764	CastleBravo, HAHAHAHAHA!, I 'bout fell out of my chair at that. LawDog, Carpetbagger or no, that was a dang good post.

June 19, 2004, 03:13 PM	#23
CastleBravo Senior Member Join Date: December 11, 1999 Posts: 2,144	I guess this isn't the time I should mention that I came to Texas to chase all your Shiner Bock and drink all your Women...

June 20, 2004, 09:41 AM	#24
ahenry Senior Member Join Date: January 25, 2001 Location: Alabama Posts: 1,764	AHHH! Now there are two people I used to think were good Texans that have turned out to be nothing but carpetbaggers! No wonder my beloved state is going down the tubes. Just kidding guys. I guess not all you Yankee carpetbaggers are bad for Texas...some of you might even be good for her...well, prolly just you two. Dang that is hard to admit.

June 20, 2004, 10:01 AM	#25
Rtex12 Junior Member Join Date: May 23, 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 2	Thanks, LawDog! More, please! R-Tex12