Stories LawDog doesn't tell.

LawMom · June 26, 2002, 11:06 PM

Since the 'Dog seems to be *ahem* laying down on the job...

The Sheriff's Office gets a call from the local school. Seems there is a child in class who is displaying traits totally unlike his usual behavior; he is withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class, won't talk about any problems at home.

Suspecting child abuse, there is an investigator heading for the child's house, and it is felt that an officer should be at hand, just in case.

Out goes LawDog. He and the investigator talk to the child, and it gradually comes out that sometime previously, the parents had been watching one of the horrid movies about homicidal dolls that come to life, not knowing that their child has snuck out of bed and is watching the movie from the bedroom doorway.

This has led to the child deciding that one of his stuffed toys is going to come to life and slaughter the family.

Mama and Daddy freak. 'Dog goes with the child and digs the toy out from under the pile of stuff in the workshop where the child has placed it for safety. Mama comforts the child, Daddy swears the toy is going into the garbage first thing, and the social worker is pontificating about the damage violent movies do to young psyches.

Nobody notices the 'Dog going out to the Super Scooter and getting on the radio.

Just like no one notices the city truck pulling up in front of the big bay window of the house.

The two city workers talking to the 'Dog and firing up the machinery being towed behind the city truck raise only mild curiosity.

*HOWEVER*, the sight of the 'Dog marching out to the truck, with the toy held at arms length with a secure grip about it's throat gets everybodys attention.

Of course, the fact that 'Dog has the muzzle of his pistol rammed firmly between the toys beady little eyes might have accounted for a bit of that fascination ...

And when he solemnly, and with the greatest of care not to allow the demonic toy the slightest chance to overpower him, slam-dunked the malevolent beastie into the chipper/shredder merrily grinding away on the back of the truck, one might say that the 'Dog had everyone's undivided attention.

The *piece de resistance* was when LawDog walked back into the house, tipped his hat to the child and stated: "You have anymore problems, you just give me a call." And headed back out on patrol.

Rumour has it that CPS filed a complaint. Rumour also has it that the Sheriff folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the office.

George Hill · June 26, 2002, 11:26 PM

Thanks. That's almost as good as the story about the stuffed Santa attacking him.

nsf003 · June 26, 2002, 11:58 PM

That's great.

nsf

Jack Carson · June 27, 2002, 12:00 AM

You go, LawDog!

See a problem then fix it.

In the words of my teenage daughters, "You Rock!"

I hope you appreciate this story: A few years ago one of my buddies was seeing a woman with two young daughters. The ex-step dad was apparently "fondling" one of them.

The little girl told her cousin about it who then reported it to the school counselor. The county deputies were alerted and sent out to interview the little girl with anatomically (SP?) correct dolls to let her tell exactly what had been going on.

After she told the deputies everything they issued a warrant for the guy's arrest. My buddy drove around until he found the guy and followed him to the place he was living. He then located a mutual friend who was an LEO in our town and asked him if he wanted to make the bust.

Our LEO said, "Sure!"

He went to the house and knocked on the door. The guy comes to the door and asks him what he wants. Screen door is still closed and our LEO cannot enter at this point. He asks the guy's name and he gives it to him.

Then says, "The neighbors have been complaining about your dog. Wanna come out and talk about this?"

He does and immediately has his hands introduced to the middle of his back as the handcuffs go on.

He then yells out, "I thought we were talking about the dog!"

My LEO friend said, "Yeah, we were, ain't this a bitch!"

I appreciate everything you do to protect us, LawDog, and all other LEOs. I absolutely love you people for protecting the children.

May God bless you and keep you safe! Thank you for everything.

Jack Carson

Kaylee · June 27, 2002, 12:38 AM

oh...oh...

THANK YOU.

I needed a story like that tonight LawMom.

You raised one sharp cookie there. Though now you got me wondering what he was like as a little tyke 'imself.

Rmmm.. on further contempletion.... maybe it's best not to ask. I'll just say thanks for not drowning him at birth. We like the stories.

-K

C.R.Sam · June 27, 2002, 12:59 AM

Good psyc work.

And nice that the doll didn't hurt him this time.

Sam

**Byron Quick** · June 27, 2002, 01:11 AM

More, LawMom. we want MORE!

ronin308 · June 27, 2002, 01:32 AM

I love these stories! Keep 'em coming!

Jim March · June 27, 2002, 01:58 AM

I've been compiling these on my site. See also the green table, http://www.ninehundred.com/~equalccw

Seeker · June 27, 2002, 02:57 AM

Lawmom,

Good one on Lawdog.

Lawdog,

Nicely done!

Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me......

croyance · June 27, 2002, 04:17 AM

Fortunately, the kid did not see any sequel. Otherwise, he would know that this just ****** the doll off. Now there will be a chewed up, dramatically scarred doll after everybody, the kid, the parents, the investigator, and Lawdog.
Don't check out those bumps in the night.

Guyon · June 27, 2002, 04:31 AM

Does LawDog also do exorcisms?

Jim March · June 27, 2002, 05:02 AM

YES!

http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/...threadid=37955

Or at least, his boss does, so the Doggy is well trained in the area.

Quartus · June 27, 2002, 06:23 AM

Quote:

I'll just say thanks for not drowning him at birth.

Hmmm, that puts a new perspective on some of my kids antics. I often tell my wife that I'd rather have our live wires, with all of the trouble, than lumps of walking, talking, ostensibly human protoplasm. (Future sheeple.)

Sometimes she agrees.

nascarnhlnra · June 27, 2002, 07:41 AM

Great job Lawdog!

BigG · June 27, 2002, 07:56 AM

Quote:

Suspecting child abuse...

The Nanny State at work.

Lawdog, ya done good with da doll.

**4V50 Gary** · June 27, 2002, 10:06 AM

Thanks LawMom. It appears that the only result of the CPS complaint is that the janitor has to stoop on the job.

Glad LawDog's agency allows for his "reasonable" drawing and use of his firearm. His actions certainly left a good impression on lawmen upon the child.

Jim March · June 27, 2002, 02:43 PM

You know, as funny as it was, this WAS a reasonable use of his gun!

Ending a child's nightmares!

OK, it's unique, but...why the hell not?

I know what that's like.

I was 12 when the first "Alien" movie came out. And it was just a weee bit too much for me, I couldn't get the view of that critter poppin' out of the guy's belly out of my brain. I wasn't stupid, I knew it was fiction, I was just bothered by that and the other images in that film.

The cure was Mad Magazine - they did a GREAT parody of the movie, featuring Kermit the frog doing the belly-pop

. That image replaced the nastier one, helped me get over it. I'll always have an upraised middle digit ready for Mad's critics.

Anyways. The Dog did similar. With a gun. So what, it WORKED.

**4V50 Gary** · June 27, 2002, 03:08 PM

Jim, my comment wasn't a complaint about LawDog's action but rather a lament that some of us just aren't allowed such latitude. Some of us who would have beach time for it.

Navy joe · June 27, 2002, 03:45 PM

Funny stuff, I just hope he never gets a monster in the closet call. Ever seen Major Payne? "That closet right there? Bam, Bam, Bam! There, that monster won't be bothering you any more" Now I'm sure the CPS worker is in therapy for the trauma of seeing the doll get the Fargo treatment.

**Don Gwinn** · June 27, 2002, 05:01 PM

That's just cool. Does the heart good.

Are there more, Lawmom?

Zundfolge · June 27, 2002, 05:38 PM

That was great

I sure hope my mom doesn't start posting things about me here though

Bog · June 27, 2002, 06:11 PM

*wipes tears*

Dog, you have style, grace and poise.

LawMom: You'd best KIO before I fly out to wherever you are so I can ply you with ethanol for more tales.

Love 'n' rockets to you both.

dsgrntldPW · June 27, 2002, 07:08 PM

Great solution to the kids problem. Now if you can just keep the "Dog" away from the fire hydrants.

ATTICUS · June 27, 2002, 07:41 PM

Lawdog killed Chuckie? Is there a sequel?

June 26, 2002, 11:06 PM	#1
LawMom Junior Member Join Date: January 30, 2000 Posts: 3	Stories LawDog doesn't tell. Since the 'Dog seems to be ahem laying down on the job... The Sheriff's Office gets a call from the local school. Seems there is a child in class who is displaying traits totally unlike his usual behavior; he is withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class, won't talk about any problems at home. Suspecting child abuse, there is an investigator heading for the child's house, and it is felt that an officer should be at hand, just in case. Out goes LawDog. He and the investigator talk to the child, and it gradually comes out that sometime previously, the parents had been watching one of the horrid movies about homicidal dolls that come to life, not knowing that their child has snuck out of bed and is watching the movie from the bedroom doorway. This has led to the child deciding that one of his stuffed toys is going to come to life and slaughter the family. Mama and Daddy freak. 'Dog goes with the child and digs the toy out from under the pile of stuff in the workshop where the child has placed it for safety. Mama comforts the child, Daddy swears the toy is going into the garbage first thing, and the social worker is pontificating about the damage violent movies do to young psyches. Nobody notices the 'Dog going out to the Super Scooter and getting on the radio. Just like no one notices the city truck pulling up in front of the big bay window of the house. The two city workers talking to the 'Dog and firing up the machinery being towed behind the city truck raise only mild curiosity. HOWEVER, the sight of the 'Dog marching out to the truck, with the toy held at arms length with a secure grip about it's throat gets everybodys attention. Of course, the fact that 'Dog has the muzzle of his pistol rammed firmly between the toys beady little eyes might have accounted for a bit of that fascination ... And when he solemnly, and with the greatest of care not to allow the demonic toy the slightest chance to overpower him, slam-dunked the malevolent beastie into the chipper/shredder merrily grinding away on the back of the truck, one might say that the 'Dog had everyone's undivided attention. The piece de resistance was when LawDog walked back into the house, tipped his hat to the child and stated: "You have anymore problems, you just give me a call." And headed back out on patrol. Rumour has it that CPS filed a complaint. Rumour also has it that the Sheriff folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the office.

June 26, 2002, 11:26 PM	#2
George Hill Staff Alumnus Join Date: October 14, 1998 Location: Lapoint, Utah Posts: 11,479	Thanks. That's almost as good as the story about the stuffed Santa attacking him. __________________ MAD OGRE

June 26, 2002, 11:58 PM	#3
nsf003 Senior Member Join Date: January 12, 2002 Location: South Central PA Posts: 576	That's great. nsf __________________ Christian, American, Heterosexual, Pro-gun Conservative. Any Questions? Molon Labe! Lets Roll!

June 27, 2002, 12:00 AM	#4
Jack Carson Senior Member Join Date: July 13, 2001 Location: Central Oklahoma Posts: 275	So that's why I like him! You go, LawDog! See a problem then fix it. In the words of my teenage daughters, "You Rock!" I hope you appreciate this story: A few years ago one of my buddies was seeing a woman with two young daughters. The ex-step dad was apparently "fondling" one of them. The little girl told her cousin about it who then reported it to the school counselor. The county deputies were alerted and sent out to interview the little girl with anatomically (SP?) correct dolls to let her tell exactly what had been going on. After she told the deputies everything they issued a warrant for the guy's arrest. My buddy drove around until he found the guy and followed him to the place he was living. He then located a mutual friend who was an LEO in our town and asked him if he wanted to make the bust. Our LEO said, "Sure!" He went to the house and knocked on the door. The guy comes to the door and asks him what he wants. Screen door is still closed and our LEO cannot enter at this point. He asks the guy's name and he gives it to him. Then says, "The neighbors have been complaining about your dog. Wanna come out and talk about this?" He does and immediately has his hands introduced to the middle of his back as the handcuffs go on. He then yells out, "I thought we were talking about the dog!" My LEO friend said, "Yeah, we were, ain't this a bitch!" I appreciate everything you do to protect us, LawDog, and all other LEOs. I absolutely love you people for protecting the children. May God bless you and keep you safe! Thank you for everything. Jack Carson __________________ Jack C.

June 27, 2002, 01:11 AM	#7
Byron Quick Staff Emeritus Join Date: November 13, 1998 Location: Waynesboro, Georgia, USA Posts: 2,367	More, LawMom. we want MORE! __________________ In a prior life, known as Spartacus. ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ! "When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy." Dave Barry

June 27, 2002, 12:38 AM	#5
Kaylee Senior Member Join Date: June 14, 2000 Location: The Last Homely House Posts: 1,671	oh...oh... THANK YOU. I needed a story like that tonight LawMom. You raised one sharp cookie there. Though now you got me wondering what he was like as a little tyke 'imself. Rmmm.. on further contempletion.... maybe it's best not to ask. I'll just say thanks for not drowning him at birth. We like the stories. -K

June 27, 2002, 12:59 AM	#6
C.R.Sam Senior Member Join Date: October 29, 1999 Location: Dewey, AZ Posts: 12,876	Good psyc work. And nice that the doll didn't hurt him this time. Sam

June 27, 2002, 01:32 AM	#8
ronin308 Senior Member Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Purdue University Posts: 1,980	I love these stories! Keep 'em coming! __________________ If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara desert in five years there’d be a shortage of sand. -Milton Friedman

June 27, 2002, 01:58 AM	#9
Jim March Senior Member Join Date: February 14, 1999 Location: Pittsburg, CA, USA Posts: 4,971	I've been compiling these on my site. See also the green table, http://www.ninehundred.com/~equalccw __________________ Jim March

June 27, 2002, 02:57 AM	#10
Seeker Senior Member Join Date: May 30, 2001 Location: Lacomb, Oregon Posts: 1,369	Lawmom, Good one on Lawdog. Lawdog, Nicely done! Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me...Can't sleep clown will eat me...... __________________ Molon Labe Seeker "The oppressed should rebel, and they will continue to rebel and raise disturbance until their civil rights are fully restored to them and all partial distinctions, exclusions and incapacitations are removed." --Thomas Jefferson Don't Tread On Me! "Equal and exact justice to all men, of whatever state or persuasion, religious or political; peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations, entangling alliances with none" -- Thomas Jefferson In order to rally people, governments need enemies. They want us to be afraid, to hate, so we will rally behind them. And if they do not have a real enemy, they will invent one in order to mobilize us. -Thich Nhat Hanh

June 27, 2002, 04:17 AM	#11
croyance Senior Member Join Date: March 30, 2001 Posts: 3,604	Fortunately, the kid did not see any sequel. Otherwise, he would know that this just ****** the doll off. Now there will be a chewed up, dramatically scarred doll after everybody, the kid, the parents, the investigator, and Lawdog. Don't check out those bumps in the night.

June 27, 2002, 04:31 AM	#12
Guyon Senior Member Join Date: July 27, 2000 Location: Over the Hills and Through the Woods, Tennessee Posts: 1,207	Does LawDog also do exorcisms? __________________ Gun control should just be about hitting your target.

June 27, 2002, 05:02 AM	#13
Jim March Senior Member Join Date: February 14, 1999 Location: Pittsburg, CA, USA Posts: 4,971	YES! http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/...threadid=37955 Or at least, his boss does, so the Doggy is well trained in the area. __________________ Jim March

June 27, 2002, 07:41 AM	#15
nascarnhlnra Senior Member Join Date: January 23, 2002 Location: THE DEEP SOUTH USA Posts: 531	Great job Lawdog! __________________ The sound of a 12 gauge pump clears a house faster than Rosie O eats a Big Mac !

June 27, 2002, 10:06 AM	#17
4V50 Gary Staff Join Date: November 2, 1998 Location: California Posts: 13,263	Thanks LawMom. It appears that the only result of the CPS complaint is that the janitor has to stoop on the job. Glad LawDog's agency allows for his "reasonable" drawing and use of his firearm. His actions certainly left a good impression on lawmen upon the child. __________________ Vigilantibus et non dormientibus jura subveniunt. *Molon Labe!*

June 27, 2002, 02:43 PM	#18
Jim March Senior Member Join Date: February 14, 1999 Location: Pittsburg, CA, USA Posts: 4,971	You know, as funny as it was, this WAS a reasonable use of his gun! Ending a child's nightmares! OK, it's unique, but...why the hell not? I know what that's like. I was 12 when the first "Alien" movie came out. And it was just a weee bit too much for me, I couldn't get the view of that critter poppin' out of the guy's belly out of my brain. I wasn't stupid, I knew it was fiction, I was just bothered by that and the other images in that film. The cure was Mad Magazine - they did a GREAT parody of the movie, featuring Kermit the frog doing the belly-pop . That image replaced the nastier one, helped me get over it. I'll always have an upraised middle digit ready for Mad's critics. Anyways. The Dog did similar. With a gun. So what, it WORKED. __________________ Jim March

June 27, 2002, 03:08 PM	#19
4V50 Gary Staff Join Date: November 2, 1998 Location: California Posts: 13,263	Jim, my comment wasn't a complaint about LawDog's action but rather a lament that some of us just aren't allowed such latitude. Some of us who would have beach time for it. __________________ Vigilantibus et non dormientibus jura subveniunt. *Molon Labe!*

June 27, 2002, 03:45 PM	#20
Navy joe Senior Member Join Date: January 28, 2001 Location: VA, USA Posts: 1,589	Funny stuff, I just hope he never gets a monster in the closet call. Ever seen Major Payne? "That closet right there? Bam, Bam, Bam! There, that monster won't be bothering you any more" Now I'm sure the CPS worker is in therapy for the trauma of seeing the doll get the Fargo treatment. __________________ FY47012

June 27, 2002, 05:01 PM	#21
Don Gwinn Staff Join Date: March 9, 2000 Location: Virden, IL Posts: 5,914	That's just cool. Does the heart good. Are there more, Lawmom? __________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don Gwinn: Chicago Gun Rights Examiner

June 27, 2002, 05:38 PM	#22
Zundfolge Senior Member Join Date: July 28, 2001 Location: Colorado Springs Posts: 1,751	That was great I sure hope my mom doesn't start posting things about me here though __________________ "There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws...you create a nation of law-breakers â€“ and then you cash in on guilt." Ayn Rand

June 27, 2002, 06:11 PM	#23
Bog Senior Member Join Date: March 16, 2002 Location: England. Where Great Britain used to be. Posts: 776	wipes tears Dog, you have style, grace and poise. LawMom: You'd best KIO before I fly out to wherever you are so I can ply you with ethanol for more tales. Love 'n' rockets to you both. __________________ Venetian Blinds: Sunlight with Scanlines.

June 27, 2002, 07:08 PM	#24
dsgrntldPW Senior Member Join Date: June 22, 2001 Location: Valley of the Scum, AZ Posts: 57	Great solution to the kids problem. Now if you can just keep the "Dog" away from the fire hydrants. __________________ If the choice is between death and working for the Post Office, choose death...you'll feel better in the long run! Inbreeding- A southern tradition since 1794. Every time I try to thin the herd, I wind up buying more cows.

June 27, 2002, 07:41 PM	#25
ATTICUS Senior Member Join Date: June 7, 1999 Location: Central Ohio Posts: 2,103	Lawdog killed Chuckie? Is there a sequel? __________________ Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain