Mall Ninja sighting the other day!

standard issue · April 27, 2005, 08:30 AM

So I should have seen this coming a mile away, but I went down
to a local Army surplus type store, and I spotted a real live mall ninja in his
natural habitat! I wish I had a picture to post, but as it was, I didnt want
to be rude, and overly stare at his awesome ninja-ness, much less ask him
to pose for a picture. Even goofy people dont like to be made fun of right
on the spot like that.

This place though....

Way overpriced, ratty well-fingered merchandise
and a whole bunch of crappy paramilitary junk. No good stuff at all. It looked
like they had raided the dumpster behind "Cheaper Than Dirt!", and then
marked everything up about 400%. I was not impressed, to say the least.

But so I saw this guy. He must have worked there or something, because
he was carefully rearranging a mountain of old canteen covers (only $9.99!)
and eyeballing everyone who was walking around looking through the meager
displays of junk. He must have been an easy 300 lbs to start with, was
wearing urban camo fatigues, what appeared to be some sort of "bat belt",
complete with all kinds of "tactical" goodies strapped to it, like a super xenon
keychain light, energy survival bars, a road flare and a black folding knife.
He also had an airsoft pistol strapped to his thigh in some sort of homemade
looking rig. It looked like he made it out of a peice of an old kydex holster
and some webbing, carefully bolted together with small machine screws.
I mean, if nothing else, I gotta give the guy props for his ingenuity with that.
But it was definately an airsoft pistol. I mean, you could clearly see that the
whole thing was made of plastic.

I shouldnt laugh, because there but for the grace of god go I, but I kind of
felt sorry for the guy. Maybe he was just the kind of mall ninja who doesnt
have a lot of disposable income to buy all of the high dollar "tactical assault"
gear...Gotta pay the bills, you know. That would explain the homemade airsoft rig.
But he seemed pretty happy. I mean, if you were a mall ninja, what better
place to work than an Army surplus store?

So keep on truckin, Mr. Army Surplus Airsoft Guy!

standard issue

Trip20 · April 27, 2005, 10:05 AM

Please explain to me, in layman's terms, the definition of "mall ninja". Please exclude descriptions as noted above in your post.

Thanks in advance!

pdt1793db · April 27, 2005, 10:29 AM

LMAO ,Classic, some people

MallNinja1796 · April 27, 2005, 10:34 AM

Was he runnning throught the store in that little ninja shuffle run with the sword sticking way out there?

Trip, a mall ninja is the kinda person who buys all those "High Speed" tactical assault vest and reads "how to" manuals on CQB and High Speed Operator type stuff, memorizes all the numbers, and then thinks they are the real deal. Kinda like the guys who "bench race" cars (comparing numbers) or play a game of SOCOM, and all of the sudden are genious tactical operators.

20cows · April 27, 2005, 10:37 AM

A modern version of the "drugstore cowboy"?

KSFreeman · April 27, 2005, 10:42 AM

aka Walter Mitty.

Mike40-11 · April 27, 2005, 10:51 AM

http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/...ad.php?t=58641

Links to various threads including the "original"

Tex570 · April 27, 2005, 10:52 AM

Usually found reading the following book.

Ninja Mind Control Made Easy

EDIT: Spelled usually wrong.

tjhands · April 27, 2005, 11:03 AM

Not to be confused with the REAL THING. Behold.........

FirstFreedom · April 27, 2005, 11:04 AM

LMAO, whew...good stuff, standard issue.

spacemanspiff · April 27, 2005, 11:49 AM

for the record, this mall-ninja tips the scales BELOW 300 lbs.

not by much though. i'm about two thanksgiving turkeys and an easter ham away from that milestone.

dasmi · April 27, 2005, 11:51 AM

tjhands,
I'll never forgive you. That image is going to be in my brain for the rest of my life.

Alvis · April 27, 2005, 12:14 PM

What were those guys going to do with those magnets?

gifted · April 27, 2005, 01:09 PM

Quote:

What were those guys going to do with those magnets?

Do you really want to know? I know I don't.

Mr. James · April 27, 2005, 01:20 PM

tjhands, you merciless b******!

michael t · April 27, 2005, 01:32 PM

tjhands you owe me a new keyboard

Trip20 · April 27, 2005, 03:04 PM

I just read all the mall ninja stuff.

I have never, ever, laughed so long, so hard in my entire life.

I've had colleagues come into my office asking me what's so funny. I can only explain "it's a long story".

**Mike Irwin** · April 27, 2005, 03:17 PM

"So keep on truckin, Mr. Army Surplus Airsoft Guy!"

Damn that brings to mind the 'Real American Heros' advertising campaign for... Budweiser?

1BadF350 · April 27, 2005, 03:25 PM

Dang it Mike!!!! My boss just threatened to fire me if I start laughing again.

FirstFreedom · April 27, 2005, 04:00 PM

Quote:

So keep on truckin, Mr. Army Surplus Airsoft Guy!

lawdy mercy....

"Stop right there shoplifter, or I'll unleash on you some MP5 annihilation in full auto fury! .... [mumbled] of 6mm plastic pellets doing 200 fps."

rugerdude · April 27, 2005, 04:46 PM

Didn't you hear firstfreedom? They have stopped using mp5 airsoft guns because in the mud/dirt/water/endurance trials, the didn't hold up nearly as well as the m-4 airsoft guns or the ever reliable clear spas-12 pumpaction.

and have you seen their new designated marksman airsoft rifles? 17 MOA at 50 yards!

They don't like you calling their guns airsoft though, they prefer plastic bb shooters of doom.

XavierBreath · April 27, 2005, 04:55 PM

DAGNABIT tjhands! My coke went out my nose and all over my keyboard and screen!

IZinterrogator · April 27, 2005, 05:28 PM

Never have beverages nearby when opening a thread with "mall ninja" in the title. Otherwise you may have fizz burning your sinuses from the inside out, like XavierBreath.

gifted · April 27, 2005, 06:41 PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special...ll+ninja&go=Go

**TheBluesMan** · April 27, 2005, 07:27 PM

Gifted: Something had to be done about that glaring omission!

EDIT: Unfortunately, it was deleted after about 20 minutes.

April 27, 2005, 08:30 AM	#1
standard issue Member Join Date: April 3, 2005 Posts: 31	Mall Ninja sighting the other day! So I should have seen this coming a mile away, but I went down to a local Army surplus type store, and I spotted a real live mall ninja in his natural habitat! I wish I had a picture to post, but as it was, I didnt want to be rude, and overly stare at his awesome ninja-ness, much less ask him to pose for a picture. Even goofy people dont like to be made fun of right on the spot like that. This place though.... Way overpriced, ratty well-fingered merchandise and a whole bunch of crappy paramilitary junk. No good stuff at all. It looked like they had raided the dumpster behind "Cheaper Than Dirt!", and then marked everything up about 400%. I was not impressed, to say the least. But so I saw this guy. He must have worked there or something, because he was carefully rearranging a mountain of old canteen covers (only $9.99!) and eyeballing everyone who was walking around looking through the meager displays of junk. He must have been an easy 300 lbs to start with, was wearing urban camo fatigues, what appeared to be some sort of "bat belt", complete with all kinds of "tactical" goodies strapped to it, like a super xenon keychain light, energy survival bars, a road flare and a black folding knife. He also had an airsoft pistol strapped to his thigh in some sort of homemade looking rig. It looked like he made it out of a peice of an old kydex holster and some webbing, carefully bolted together with small machine screws. I mean, if nothing else, I gotta give the guy props for his ingenuity with that. But it was definately an airsoft pistol. I mean, you could clearly see that the whole thing was made of plastic. I shouldnt laugh, because there but for the grace of god go I, but I kind of felt sorry for the guy. Maybe he was just the kind of mall ninja who doesnt have a lot of disposable income to buy all of the high dollar "tactical assault" gear...Gotta pay the bills, you know. That would explain the homemade airsoft rig. But he seemed pretty happy. I mean, if you were a mall ninja, what better place to work than an Army surplus store? So keep on truckin, Mr. Army Surplus Airsoft Guy! standard issue

April 27, 2005, 10:42 AM	#6
KSFreeman Senior Member Join Date: June 9, 2001 Location: Lafayette, Indiana--American-occupied America Posts: 5,404	aka Walter Mitty. __________________ "Arguments of policy must give way to a constitutional command." Payton v. New York, 445 U.S. 573, 602 (1980).

April 27, 2005, 10:51 AM	#7
Mike40-11 Senior Member Join Date: January 8, 2005 Location: Michigan Posts: 584	http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/...ad.php?t=58641 Links to various threads including the "original" Last edited by TheBluesMan; April 27, 2005 at 07:00 PM. Reason: Fixed Link

April 27, 2005, 10:52 AM	#8
Tex570 Member Join Date: June 24, 2004 Posts: 50	Usually found reading the following book. Ninja Mind Control Made Easy EDIT: Spelled usually wrong. Last edited by Tex570; April 27, 2005 at 11:23 AM.

April 27, 2005, 11:49 AM	#11
spacemanspiff Senior Member Join Date: January 16, 2002 Location: alaska Posts: 2,923	for the record, this mall-ninja tips the scales BELOW 300 lbs. not by much though. i'm about two thanksgiving turkeys and an easter ham away from that milestone. __________________ "Every man alone is sincere; at the entrance of a second person hypocrisy begins." - Ralph Waldo Emerson "People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." - Soren Kierkegaard

April 27, 2005, 10:05 AM	#2
Trip20 Senior Member Join Date: March 21, 2005 Location: WI Posts: 2,181	Please explain to me, in layman's terms, the definition of "mall ninja". Please exclude descriptions as noted above in your post. Thanks in advance!

April 27, 2005, 10:29 AM	#3
pdt1793db Senior Member Join Date: January 20, 2005 Posts: 159	LMAO ,Classic, some people

April 27, 2005, 10:34 AM	#4
MallNinja1796 Junior Member Join Date: April 26, 2005 Posts: 10	Was he runnning throught the store in that little ninja shuffle run with the sword sticking way out there? Trip, a mall ninja is the kinda person who buys all those "High Speed" tactical assault vest and reads "how to" manuals on CQB and High Speed Operator type stuff, memorizes all the numbers, and then thinks they are the real deal. Kinda like the guys who "bench race" cars (comparing numbers) or play a game of SOCOM, and all of the sudden are genious tactical operators.

April 27, 2005, 10:37 AM	#5
20cows Senior Member Join Date: February 22, 2005 Location: West Texas Posts: 376	A modern version of the "drugstore cowboy"?

April 27, 2005, 11:04 AM	#10
FirstFreedom Senior Member Join Date: May 31, 2004 Location: The Toll Road State, U.S.A. Posts: 12,455	LMAO, whew...good stuff, standard issue.

April 27, 2005, 11:51 AM	#12
dasmi Senior Member Join Date: January 18, 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 877	tjhands, I'll never forgive you. That image is going to be in my brain for the rest of my life. __________________ If we look at the black record of mass murder, exploitation, and tyranny levied on society by governments over the ages, we need not be loath to abandon the Leviathan State and ... try freedom. --Murray Rothbard, For a New Liberty

April 27, 2005, 12:14 PM	#13
Alvis Member Join Date: September 23, 2004 Location: Baton Rouge, LA Posts: 74	What were those guys going to do with those magnets?

April 27, 2005, 01:20 PM	#15
Mr. James Senior Member Join Date: April 10, 2001 Location: The Old Dominion Posts: 1,108	tjhands, you merciless b******! __________________ "...A humble and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." Ps. li "When law and morality contradict each other, the citizen has the cruel alternative of either losing his moral sense or losing his respect for the law." —Frederic Bastiat

April 27, 2005, 01:32 PM	#16
michael t Registered User Join Date: May 17, 2004 Location: Out back Ky Posts: 2,271	tjhands you owe me a new keyboard __________________ 1995 Colt Combat Commander,Colt Defender ,Colt Mustang ,Dan Wesson CBOB,American Classic PPK/S Bersa Thunder 380 You must learn to be......slow in a Hurry Wyatt Earp 1849 1929

April 27, 2005, 03:04 PM	#17
Trip20 Senior Member Join Date: March 21, 2005 Location: WI Posts: 2,181	I just read all the mall ninja stuff. I have never, ever, laughed so long, so hard in my entire life. I've had colleagues come into my office asking me what's so funny. I can only explain "it's a long story".

April 27, 2005, 03:17 PM	#18
Mike Irwin Staff Join Date: April 13, 2000 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 21,782	"So keep on truckin, Mr. Army Surplus Airsoft Guy!" Damn that brings to mind the 'Real American Heros' advertising campaign for... Budweiser?

April 27, 2005, 03:25 PM	#19
1BadF350 Senior Member Join Date: January 15, 2005 Location: Maryland Posts: 857	Dang it Mike!!!! My boss just threatened to fire me if I start laughing again. __________________ "I actually don't know what a barrel shroud is, I think it's a shoulder thing that goes up." Carolyn McCarthy (D-NY) Author HR:1022, when asked what a barrel shroud is and why it needs to be regulated.

April 27, 2005, 04:46 PM	#21
rugerdude Senior Member Join Date: July 6, 2004 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Posts: 1,422	Didn't you hear firstfreedom? They have stopped using mp5 airsoft guns because in the mud/dirt/water/endurance trials, the didn't hold up nearly as well as the m-4 airsoft guns or the ever reliable clear spas-12 pumpaction. and have you seen their new designated marksman airsoft rifles? 17 MOA at 50 yards! They don't like you calling their guns airsoft though, they prefer plastic bb shooters of doom. __________________ "The SKS is a rifle, made the way they should be, out of a heavy block of crappy commie steel, set in an inletted semi-reshaped 2x4." Not my quote but I agree completely.

April 27, 2005, 04:55 PM	#22
XavierBreath Senior Member Join Date: December 6, 2002 Location: North Louisiana Posts: 2,800	DAGNABIT tjhands! My coke went out my nose and all over my keyboard and screen! __________________ Xavier's Blog

April 27, 2005, 05:28 PM	#23
IZinterrogator Senior Member Join Date: November 8, 2004 Location: Huachuca City/Fort Huachuca, AZ Posts: 2,326	Haven't you guys learned? Never have beverages nearby when opening a thread with "mall ninja" in the title. Otherwise you may have fizz burning your sinuses from the inside out, like XavierBreath. __________________ "If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” - Samuel Adams

April 27, 2005, 06:41 PM	#24
gifted Senior Member Join Date: June 5, 2004 Location: New Mexico Posts: 411	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special...ll+ninja&go=Go

April 27, 2005, 07:27 PM	#25
TheBluesMan Staff Join Date: June 15, 1999 Location: Ohio Posts: 7,566	Gifted: Something had to be done about that glaring omission! EDIT: Unfortunately, it was deleted after about 20 minutes. __________________ -Dave Miller ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ! NRA Certified Instructor: Pistol, Rifle, Shotgun, Home Firearms Safety, Personal Protection. Tick-off Obama - Join the NRA Today - Save $10