If guns were registered like cars...

[CassandraComplex]

I am not sure if anyone here saw this, but it is pretty good:

> Copyright 2000 by Ron Miller. All Rights Reserved.
>
> IF GUNS WERE TREATED LIKE CARS :
> 1. You could get a simple license from the State for a nominal fee and
> only have to take a test that any idiot could pass. You'd only have to
> renew it every 10 years for 40 years and maybe retake the test if you move
> out of state.
> 2. You could kill and injure people with your gun while drunk and still
> have your lawyer get your gun back because you need it for work.
> 3. You'd have half the tax burden of the county and State dedicated to
> improving the shooting ranges and facilities. The public agrees this is
> never good enough to suit them and with all the gunowners from California
> moving in, the range capacity will never catch up. Lines at the range are
> always shown on TV with the newsies deploring the crowding.
> 4. You could carry in any State at any time because carry and
> possession of your gun is honored nationwide and is considered a basic
> American civil right.
> 5. You would see commercials on TV pushing the newest, latest guns which
> you could lease for just $25 per month subject to the fine print.
> 6. You could finance a fancier gun than you can really afford by taking a
> 5
> year loan with approved credit.
> 7. You would have a gun safe built into every house. In the upscale
> houses you would have 3 gun safes. Inexpensive houses and mobil homes
> would just have a gunrack by the door.
> 8. You'd have gun storage lockers at the shopping mall in which to store
> your rifle while shopping. This in order to free your arms for packages.
> The convenience of the shopper is paramount.
> 9. You could buy ammunition at the 7-11.
> Full-service station means they'll reload your magazines for you.
> 10. The news would stop reporting gun accidents unless more
> than 10 children were killed at one time. Onesy-twosey would only be
> notable in small towns or if Princess Di's bodyguard shot her while aiming
> at paparazzi.
> 11. If the price of ammunition rose 20% the Federal Government would
> release
> war reserves of ammo to bring the price back down to the consumer's
> comfort level.
> Ammo would carry a 50% tax to finance public shooting ranges.
> Teapot Dome scandal would have been about a lead mine.
> 12. We'd teach gunsmithing in vocational-education programs.
> 13. Every 16 year old would be looking forward to the day when he could
> take the family revolver to school. The rich kids would get a
> high-capacity semi-auto pistol on their 16th birthday and endanger
> everyone when they learn to use it in public.
> 14. High schools would have large gun lockers to store student's arms
> while they attend classes. Administrators would try to charge for the
> service to discourage teen-age gun carrying to school.
> 15. Schools would have shooter's education classes to make sure the kids
> could pass the test. They would show gory films of gunshot wounds.
> The squeamish would throw up.
> 16. Old people who can hardly see would still be permitted to shoot in
> public because to disarm them would be to damage their self-esteem.
> Families would wring their hands over holes in the walls and
> ceiling.
> Occasionally an oldster would fire into a schoolyard when they mistake the
> trigger for the safety. Legislators would refrain from criticizing because
> of the AARP's influence.
> 17. Congress would be debating alternative weapons systems for people
> who can't afford their own guns.
> 18. There would be such a thing as "public weapons" for the masses.
> 19. Congress would be subsidizing weapons for people too limited in means
> to afford their own.
> 20. Congress would be willing to float a loan to Colt's in order to ensure
> the survival of an American company against unfair foreign
> competition.
> (Think "Chrysler")
> 21. We, except for Ralph Nader, would dismiss 40,000 deaths and 500,000
> injuries per year as "the price of freedom."
> 22. You would have MADS. Mothers Against Drunk Shooters (instead of HCI).
> MADS would conduct a campaign of public education instead of trying to use
> the force of government to prohibit irresponsible drinking and shooting.
> 23. You could rent a gun at any airport if you are over 25 and have a
> credit card.
> 24. You would have the fringe-greenies advocating bows and arrows because
> they think gunsmoke is damaging the environment.
> Al Gore would write a book about the damaging effects of gunsmoke.
> Al Gore would also claim to have been a handloader before his sister died
> in a powder fire.
> 25. You'd have huge outcry in the Press and Congress over our dependence
> on cheap, imported, foreign ammunition.
> 26. Ted Kennedy would have shot Mary Jo Kopekne instead. Ted would be
> a few thousand dollars richer (bullet:$0.25 vs car:$3000)
> Ted would stop carrying his own gun and instead, hire bodyguards to carry
> fully-automatic weapons under their coats for him.
> 27. You'd have businesses like "Jiffy Gun-Clean" to make life convenient.
>
> But you'd always worry that they might not have gotten the magazine fully
> seated afterwards.
> 28. You'd have "Classic Gun Events" with parades on public roads as
> everyone
> with such a classic carries it for all the public to see.
> 29. You'd have huge eyesores where piles of guns are left to rust in
> the open at "Gun Junk Yards". They would charge you outrageous prices to
> go out back and pick off a hammer or sear which is probably also worn out
> like the one you want to replace.
> 30. There would be a booming business and debate about substituting
> non-OEM parts in the gun repair business.
> 31. You'd have TV news crews going under cover with hidden cameras to
> ferret out "unscrupulous gun smiths." This story would be "old reliable"
> and works every year.
> 32. The Japanese would be trying , and succeeding at taking over the
> market
> for efficient, reliable high-quality guns.
> The Koreans would be trying to sneak in at the low end of the market.
> The Germans would be selling premium brands based on better workmanship,
> longer life, and brand cachet. But their guns would require you to take it
> to a gunsmith every 3 months for a complete tear-down and dimensional
> inspection at outrageous labor rates.
> The Italians would paint their guns flaming red and they would have a
> reputation for being finicky.
> The State Department would be applying pressure to get Japan to allow more
> US-built guns into their country.
> The Japanese would resist the US by saying that Japanese shooters have
> extra-special safety requirements that only Japanese manufacturers can
> meet.
> 33. You'd have an entire section of the Saturday Coloradoan devoted to
> ads for new and used guns.
> 34. You'd have a pair of fun-loving gunsmiths on Public Radio doing a show
> on gun problems. They'd be named "Tap & Rack"
> 35. There would have been a terrible TV show back in the black & white
> days named "My Mother - The Gun" It starred Jerry Van Dyke and ran just
> one season.
> 36. Dean Jones would have made a series of stupid movies starring Herbie
> the Love-Gun. Herbie was an adorable anthropomorphized cheap German
> Saturday Night Special. Dean Jones would never show his face in public
> again after these movies.
> 37. Competition would be carried on TV all day on Saturdays. The Daytona
> 500
> would be round-count instead of miles. There would be speed contests,
> endurance contests, and off-range marksmanship events.
> NASGUN would create big heroes in the South and extravagant marketing
> opportunities.
> 38. High-schools would paint up a gun in the colors of the opposition
> and charge $.25 for you to swing a sledge hammer at that gun during pep
> rallys.
> 39. John Elway would own half the gunstores in the Denver Metro area.
> 40. Wellington Webb's wife would be carrying the finest English Double
> shotgun money can buy while Wellington has body guards to carry his
> semi-auto pistols for him.
> 41. Back in the 1970's during the ammo crisis, Congress would have set
> a maximum cyclic rate for autos and semi autos in order to conserve ammo.
> 42. After Iraq was pushed out of Kuwait, the national cyclic rate was
> raised to something all semi-autos can be comfortable with.
> 43. The Coloradoan would be publishing the locations of range repair work
> every week to be sure no one would be inconvenienced.
> 44. The Beachboys would have released some songs about guns:
> "Spring little Cobray gettin' ready to strike..... Spring little Cobray
> with all your might....."
> "She's real fine my Wonder Nine, she's real fine my Won-der Nine."
> " Fun, fun, fun 'til Daddy takes her Kel-Tec away......"
> 45. Letters to editors would be written decrying that all those Soccer
> Moms
> are lugging .50 cal machine guns around town, wasting ammo and getting in
> everybody's way.
> 46. Letters to editors would be written responding that putting one's
> beginning driver son or daughter behind a .50 cal would mean that the
> writer's offspring would survive any conflict with lesser armed
> individuals.
> 47. Al Gore would claim he invented the .50cal cartridge and say he was
> sorry.
> 48. Cities would be experimenting with electric guns but would be
> surprised to find that people would step in front of them at the range
> because they were too quiet so no one knew the electric gun was there.
> 49. President Clinton would demand that electric gun manufacturers
> put a cowbell on each one to prevent senseless accidents.
> 50. The National Rifle Association would be reduced to selling travel
> insurance for your guns because the rest of society will have seen to it
> that there would be no chance that firearms would ever be banned.
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