Okay. Then I'll give you my pretty-much-standard advice.
1) Stop lobbying. She's an adult & can make her own choices. Just because they aren't the choices you or I would make doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to make those choices for herself. It's frustrating, it's scary, it might even be heartbreaking ... but it is what it is. She's a grownup and she gets to choose how, when and
whether she wants to protect herself.
2) Quit preaching about self defense.
Ask questions instead. (Again, don't lobby! Questions get asked
only when the subject comes up naturally, such as when talking about your co-worker as you're telling her about your day.) Ask stuff like, "... what would you do?" and "... what do you think?" and "... how would you respond if?"
And then shut up. Don't ever, ever, ever answer those questions yourself unless and until she asks you; if she does ask you, say something vague and change the subject. Ask the questions, listen to her answers, move on. Don't provide the answers, because the goal here isn't about answers. The goal is simply to get the
questions into her mind. If you answer those questions, she'll struggle against your answers instead of struggling with the questions. Ask the questions, move on. Don't preach, don't give the answers, don't argue.
3) When you invite her to the range, and she agrees to go,
make it fun. Don't talk about self defense while you're at the range. Talk about how much fun it is. Shoot bull's eye targets. Or (depending on your wife's sense of humor) invading zombie targets. Or reactives like Necco wafers or Saltine crackers or jugs of water. Whatever seems most fun to you and to her. Don't let it be grim or negative. The goal is to get her as much practice as you possibly can, since she apparently doesn't mind shooting but has an aversion to self-defense talk. Better to let her learn in a fun playing-a-game atmosphere rather than preventing her from learning because she doesn't want to deal with self-defense topics.
Also, in terms of making it fun, if you can find another couple who are willing to visit the range with you, that's your best bet for an enthusiastic happy response from her. There really is something magic about getting other women to shoot alongside you, when you're new and otherwise reluctant. (Nobody ever outgrows peer pressure.
)
4) Continue to do what you do. Carry! Don't let her choices affect yours. Don't hide it, either. There will probably come a time when she is grateful you are there & prepared (not necessarily because something happened, but because something could have happened, or just because she realizes she feels "safe" with you). But it's quite likely that she won't be able to admit it aloud even if she feels like that. So don't get discouraged and don't hide what you do from her. Just matter-of-factly do it.
5) Since she does know how to shoot, do have a gun accessible at home for her. Make sure she knows where it is and how to get it, and then
shut up about it. Don't expect her to use it, though. Again, she's an adult & gets to make her own choices, and you really really really
really want to avoid pushing her (when someone pushes, the natural human inclination is to dig your heels in). So make it available but otherwise keep mum about it. Respect her right to make her own choices.
If she ever, even once, expresses concern about how safe you are with a firearm, ask her if she'd be willing to take a safety class with you, and follow through if the answer is lukewarm or better. Emphasize that you enjoy her company and it would be something fun you could do together. Meeting other couples and other women at the range really does help. If you play your cards right here, she'll think the class was her own idea,
and be charmed that you took her concerns so seriously -- a win all the way around...
Hope some of that helps. Meanwhile of course, beef up security around your house, lights & locks etc. Be sure everyone in your home knows that the locks need to be
used even during the day, not to answer the door without looking through the peephole, and so on. None of the passive security measures really help much if they're not used.
pax