TWO GUNS

[George Hill]

“I have two guns… one for each of you.” – Doc Holiday

Bruce Willis
Chow Yun Fat
Antonio Banderas
John Wayne
George Hill

Famous People who fire pistols in a rugged two fisted style… The last one can’t hit water if he fell out of a boat. Many folks have tried it. Some would say this is a Hollywood only kind of thing.
I had to try it.

I was watching FACE OFF one too many times. The villain in FACE OFF is one CASTOR TROY. Blackest of Black hearts… this bad guy is so bad he is cool. He carries two gold plated custom Springfield .45s.
I thought to my self, “Hey, I have two Springfield .45s!”
Then I had the failure of reason… “I should try shooting them both AT THE SAME TIME!”

I put down my plate of tatter-tots and chicken nuggets, (One of the best MOVIE FOODS. Of course, after NACHOS – but I did not have any cheese at the moment.) grabbed up my range bag and headed out the door.
I came back in the door grabbed my guns, then headed back out the door.
I came back in the door, wife handed me my car keys, and with a kiss, back out the door.
I came back in the door, wife handed me a couple twenties, again, back out the door.
After stepping out this time - there was a slamming of said door and the throw of the dead bolt. Wife had locked the door behind me.

A few minutes later I pulled up to my favorite range. I set up my shooting station on the nearest bench. Outdoor ranges are the best – everything was wet with fresh rain and all the .22 brass carpeting the grounds was shining so pretty. Everything glittered. JOY!

I set up two targets. The target on the left was the bad guy, target on the right was dubbed “Catherine Zeta-Jones”, goddess, and imaginary damsel in distress. The range exercise was to eliminate the Bad Guy and save Ms Zeta for the happy ending.

I loaded up two 10 round magazines. Topped off the 11th rounds and stood facing the situation. (tumble-weed crosses from right to left in a slight breeze, and in the distance a dog barked) I stood there, feet shoulder width apart, hands poised over the guns… fingers tickling the grips.

I sure hoped no one was watching.

The bad guy made his move first – as required, me being the good guy hero and all. I beat him in the draw and pulled out my big .45s that gleamed blackly in the sun’s rays of a partly cloudy day with highs in the upper 70’s and a trace of humidity.
I unleashed the dogs of war on the bad guy and fired till I had both guns locked back on empty magazines. When the rolling thunder of Forty-Fives was but an echo in the distance and the smoke cleared…
I, uh… I didn’t see any holes in my target.
I stepped closer…
SHAME!
I had two holes in the bad guy and a center punch right through Zeta. So much for being HERO MAN.

I concluded that I must not have had the right rhythm down and that threw off my shots. Possible… The movies all play a rocking sound track with the shots in time with the beats… Hmmm. Okay. I go to my car and crank up a sound track – THE MATRIX CD, track 2. I turned the stereo up to “11” and wen t back to the line.

Time to bust a move…

The thrumming beats provided a stunningly artistic way to look very stupid. I got into the beat and let loose.

When I stopped shooting, I stopped the music. (I have a remote for my car stereo – don’t ask me why)
I found that while I did do some better shooting – I had more holes in the bad gun… Zeta had another hole as well. Right through what would be an ovary. I think. This is not the way the save the babe of your dream.

Sunglasses… Cool guys wear sunglasses. Hmmm. Another 22 rounds. More holes… no improvement.

Music, Sunglasses, and an action pose… Even worse.

After getting all “into it” I didn’t notice the car that had pulled up. And the Sheriff standing there.
“What in the hell are you doing?”
“Ah…”
“Use two hands, you will shoot twice as bad…”
“But that is not the point…”
“So, your making like a jackass for a reason?”

After the explaining my seemingly incompetent activities, he was most curious about the trials. He was not on duty yet and wanted to do some practicing. It was fortuitous that he had a pair of Glocks. 9mm even. His service gun, and his smaller back up gun. I don’t know what the were model numbers and all. All Glocks look the same to me.

In a short time I had him wearing sunglasses, striking an action pose and had the music blasting… He shot about the same as I did… The 9mm’s lower recoil gave him a easier time to miss. The bad buy was definitely down by now. Ms Zeta was too. Mr Law-and-Order put a 115 grain hollow point through her left eye.

“Oh my god, you killed Zeta! You Bastard!”
“What?”
“You ever watch SOUTH PARK?”
“No.”
“Uh, Never mind then, Officer Barbrady…”

We blew out a lot rounds… and we had a lot of fun. But before we left – with the last of our practice rounds… we took up our real shooting stances…
I was in a modified Weaver position and him in a Isosceles. We redeemed ourselves by shooting 2 inch groups… My group was tighter…

We chatted for some time and concluded that we will render unto celluloid that which is celluloid’s… Leaving this shooting up to the actors and numerous editing and retaking from multiple camera angles.

It just looks better that way…


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I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away!

[This message has been edited by George Hill (edited February 25, 2000).]

[Bud Helms]

Thank you!

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I am the only person at TFL I know of who can post two words and a smiley and have to edit it!

[This message has been edited by sensop (edited February 25, 2000).]

[Marko Kloos]

That was a great post. I love the poetic ones.

I tried a hollywood re-enactment myself when I was in the Army. HK G3 from the hip at ten to twenty yards, full auto with 7.62x51. The bad guy walked away without new ventilation holes, and I was twenty rounds shorter for the wisdom. Looks good in movies, but completely pointless in real life...unless you stand three steps away from the BG, and even then you'll waste half the magazine.

Never tried the two-handed thing. Hmmm....I wonder..? I haven't been to the range in three days.

[mk86fcc]

George - loved it! One of these days I'm going to try shooting sideways like in the movies, but I just hate to waste the ammo. (Seems to me that gravity plays at least a small part in the feeding process, so I'm a little leery of just how well it works in real life.)

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"...and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one."
Luke 22:36
"An armed society is a polite society."
Robert Heinlein

[KAM_Indianapolis]

Are you sure you're not a writer in your spare time. You could write some pretty good pulp fiction with your style. Hmm... pulp fiction with the heroes following gun safety rules...

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Peace through superior firepower...
Keith

If the 2nd is antiquated, what will happen to the rest.
"the right to keep and bear arms."

[DorGunR]

George Hill...you are the coolest, dude.
Great piece.....as applause continues.

[Mike in VA]

Thanks, George, your story started my day of nicely, & I'm looking forward to some range time this weekend myself. I'm presenting a major proposal this afternoon, and aside from being very entertaining, your report was a good reminder to stay focused & on target, no showboating.
Best regards, M2

[TheBluesMan]

Very enjoyable reading George. Thank you for sharing.

Ever want to act out any scenes from The Matrix?

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RKBA!

"The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security"
Ohio Constitution, Article I, Section 4
Concealed Carry is illegal in Ohio.
Ohioans for Concealed Carry Website

[fal308]

If you do the "We need guns...lots of guns" scene, make sure you're at my house

[RikWriter]

I once tried shooting two guns at once, but had better luck because one of the guns was a rifle.
Friend of mine's family had some rural property that used to be an orange grove and there was a big junk pile out on it with a bunch of cement blocks...I tucked my stainless factory folder Mini14 under my left arm and shot my 6-inch nickle Taurus 357 with my right, extending the Taurus and using the sights while I walked the 223s onto the target..
Those blocks blew up real nice.

[TMoney]

Thanks, George. The best way to end a hard night at work is with a great, funny story from a friend at TFL. Yeah!

[Gwinnydapooh]

Very cool--best investigation of the two-gun "Chow Yun Fat Method" yet. Just remember when you see "gang-banger wannabes" at the range shooting sideways with Lorcins, they're probably re-enacting THEIR favorite movies . . . .

[MusclesMcGee]

Uh, ok Castor. I am guilty of the same (inspired by the same movie I might add!). I convinced my friend to let me try this with his Dad's $$$ Custom Colt and my own Kimber. I kept them pretty close in order to maintain sight picture, round one, both guns crashed into each other pretty hard !. Your right, it is a rhythm thing. After a few tries, I was able to keep all shots in a 2ftX2ft radius. Fun, but not very effective.

[Scott Evans]

George,
I’ve always wanted to try that as it looks so cool.

However,

Two guns …

Tactical scenario … equals

High risk of shooting your self in the hand or arm.

Straight forward is not so bad but when you start moving left and right look out.



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“This is my rifle, there many like it but this one is mine …”

[Ottergal]

I wonder how Michael Douglas would react when hearing this story?!

[Long Path]

Okay, okay, I am SUCH a sucker for this genre of post, ever since Rob's imfamous Choy Yun Fat post of last summer! (Gawd, how I hate that the archives are inaccessable!!!)

--I had thought originally that they were matching Gold Cups, but weren't Castor Troy's pistols, in fact, matching High Powers?

--Don't you feel especially ashamed of shooting out C. Z. Jone's ovary, given that "She's a breeder."??!?!! [Allusion to Kalifornia]

--You need multiple targets, shot against time, man! This can allow you to shoot without looking, ala' many John Woo flicks. Maybe a public range isn't the best place to try that...

--Pictures! TELL ME you got blackmail pictures of the Deputy in full costume while he was attempting your two-gunned technique, in shades and standing in crazy action pose! These things are invaluable, and really the best reason to buy a $1,200 Sony digital camera that can shoot 1-minute motion pictures and record sound, as well. ("Bow-chiga Bow Sha Bang-Sha-Bang, Niggi-Niggi..." "Pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow-pow..." "I'll save you Catherine....!!!!")
Stuff like that and the threat of showing it to the high Sheriff can keep your .45's stoked with free Hydra-Shoks for life!

--I'm hitting the range tomorrow with two 1911's, and I've gotta admit-- I'm gonna do it, and I'm going to get my dad, an I.A. Lieutenant with a local S.O. to do it, to. You don't think I'm going out there without a point-n-shoot camera in my range bag, do you?

(I really, REALLY hope he's not reading this thread...)

L.P.

[yy]

Great Story George! Absolutely a masterpiece.

I have not tried the two gun method with actual pistols. I HAVE tried it with Arcade Shooting Games. Guess what? They work in the game!

I did not try to aim, but just point and shoot and empty the game clip slower than single gun method. Result? Point and shoot at two targets in quick succession got me much higher in the game. (House of Terror)

This is of course not realistic at all. Where else do we point off to the side, squeeze trigger to reload our pistols? But the zombies who keep coming at you, closer and closer do make great tension and good targets.

Just a comment from my bag of wasted quarters.

[fastforty]

Great peice of work, George. But, are you guys sure there wasn't anyone else watching? Sure hate for those digital pics to wind up on the front page of your local Distorter.

[sbryce]

Great story, George! I really liked your writing style, and coming from this bookworm, that's saying a lot.

Sooo, what range were you at and when was this? Not in the past couple of months have we had highs in the 70's! -- Denise

[Jim V]

George, Did you fire the two pistols at the same time or did you alternate them? I found, a good number of years ago, that if two 1911's are fired at the same time the sound of the shots is different, kinda like a "boink" and not a "bang", and the pistols want to twist inward.

The last two handgun shooting I did was with a para Glock 18's with matching 32 round magazines. I wasn't trying to hit anything but the backstop. For two pistol buzz guns they were pretty controlable.

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Ne Conjuge Nobiscum
"If there be treachery, let there be jehad!"

[JHS]

Ya'all know the movie True Grit? John Wayne faces several Bad guys on horse back.Yells at them,(fill your hand you son of a bitch). Takes pistol in one hand,rifle in the other,rides at the BG's with latago in his teeth. I want to do that! Send flowers to...

[artech]

I got a story about that move True Grit. Saw it, loved it, wanted guns just like that.

Couldn't bring myself to cut up an original Winchester 92, so went with a Rossi copy, and after cutting a Winchester big loop lever and welding it onto the Rossi one, cutting down the barrel and mag tube, and rebluing everything, I put it all back together.

Made up some action feed dummy rounds(no primer or powder, but bullet and crimp) and tried the cocking by spinning that J.W. uses in the movie. Round falls out on the floor.

Try again. Same thing. Turn rifle upside down, try without spinning, same thing. Call dad on west coast, who has real 92 Winchester. Convince him(with some difficulty, no, I'm not sniffing paint) to try upside down thing, round falls out on the floor.

Bumming hard, put both rifle and matching 4 3/4" Ruger Vaquero down the road, living now with shattered dreams. If you watch the movie carefully, he'll fire and spin, but not fire again without an edit.

The worst part is, now Rossi offers the rifle in the short version with the big loop lever from the factory. Adds insult to injury. Now sadder but wiser(hopefully).

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My brain's a hand grenade...catch. Ice-T, OG.

The M-16 is a damn fine weapon, but your best, your most lethal and effective weapon is between your ears. Ssgt Brown, Parris Island, 3rd Bn, H co. 1984.

[jeffelkins]

Gotta try this with a M1991A1 and a Glock 23...range report next week

[jensenfarm]

Oh my!
This dredges up dank, dark memories from the distant past.....
I trust most on this list remember the John Wayne classic - "Big Jake," in which The Duke weilded a sawed off double barrel Greener box lock shotgun.
IIRC, in a scene near the end, while rescuing his grandson from the kidnappers, Big Jake levels one of the cads with the scattergun fired one handed.
It just so happened I had purchased a look-alike to the one ol'Big John toted in the flick, although it was a Rossi import, and in 20 ga (but chambered for 3" shells). I decided to imitate The Duke, and fire this puppy uno-mano.
Loaded both barrels with 3" #4 buck shells, and pulled both hammers (note the plural!) back, and let 'er rip with one paw!
&$##@!****&^!
Sure didn't think the lever that breaks the action open would go that far back into the web of my hand...why....I can see tendons an' stuff back in there....at least until the blood started spurtin'!
Ah, the stupidity of youth!
Jensenfarm

[Lucas]

George:

Your time at the range sounds fun--but where are the results from the action shoot. You know, thats where you dive either to the left or right (your choice) while firing at the BG target. Upon landing on the ground, you need to continue to roll and fire until both magazines are empty. Had you tried this method--I'm sure Miss Zeta, at worst, would have only sustained a minor "flesh wound".

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RKBA! NRA JPFO SAF