You Just May Be A Gun Nut

[AR-10]

IF...

• While paying your heat bill you realize by spring you will have mailed in funds equivelent to last year's heat bills PLUS a new Kimber Pro CDP.

• You change your mind about installing a 400lb. safe door on the spare bedroom closet when you realize the spare bedroom door is the same size, and you really DO need a walk-in gun vault.

• Your wife readily agrees to afore-mentioned door installation (realizing she can lock you in during your frequent bouts of hoplamania,and pay the heat bill).

• Your grown son says to you "Dad, you don't really need a machine gun", and you feel, just a little, that somehow you have failed as a father.

• You join a local support group for people trying to get their gun buying urges under control.It turns into a weekly gun trading session and you quit going because all the good stuff has been traded-twice.

• You find yourself telling the owner of the local gun shop where he can get better deals on bulk-purchased ammo.

• You get into your gun safe every two weeks and turn all your handguns onto their other side so the lube stays evenly distributed.

• You arrange them on the shelves by caliber.

• You buy a new gun because it evens out the arrangement on one of the shelves.

• You find your wife laying on the bed with a rifle sling seductively draped across her torso.

You just may be....

[Tamara]

...the UPS truck on your neighborhood route has the permanently embedded stink of cosmoline.

...you had to reinforce the floor under the closet where you store your cased ammunition.

...when trying on clothes with your significant other along, you never ask "How does this look?" or "Does this make me look fat?" but rather "Does it print?".

[Marko Kloos]

You can't remember the last time you purchased a pair of pants that was your actual waist size.

Your gun rags constitute a slipping hazard on the bathroom floor.

You need an hour to get ready before going out...to find that perfect gun/holster combo for the day.

You've ever changed clothes more than twice before going out just to accomodate your garb to the gun and holster combo of the day.

You think of bonus checks and unexpected extra cash in terms of guns that can be acquired with the same, i.e. "I am getting a three-Glock check at the end of January."

When going out to a restaurant, you always sit in the booth facing the door, with your right side to the wall...and your SO never even attempts to claim "your" side of the booth anymore.

You have spare mags and holsters for guns you don't even own. Corollary: You have bought more than one gun "because I already have leather/ammo/spare mags for it already."

You know five different names for one cartridge...and get ticked off when you overhear someone at the gun shop mixing them up.

You butt into sales conversations at the gun shop, effectively selling more guns than their best sales staff on a good day.

You horse-trade so much at the gun shop that they ask you whether you just want to leave the box whenever you buy a new gun.

[4V50 Gary]

You buy cleaning brushes in bulk quantity and you think Hoppes No. 9 is aftershave or perfume.

[BigG]

even though you don't have a gun that will shoot it -- just in case you ever get one...

[Dead]

BigG hahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!!!

[joebogey]

My delivery guy says that if anything ever goes wrong, he's coming to my house. He knows that's where all the ammo has gone to.

[Swamp Yankee]

IF

You can claim more than one gun shop as a dependent on your Federal and State Income Tax returns.

The customer service people at Midway recognise you by your voice and have your credit card number memorized.

The local gun shop puts a picture of you up behind the counter as "Customer of the Month".

[citizen]

..your favorite firing range has a port engraved with

"Reserved for" with your name included....

[MAD DOG]

...When all of the people you know in Kalifornia spent Y2K eve at your place in Arizona, because they KNOW that if TSHTF there, they will be OK.

...you move to another state because is "gun friendly".

... the only things that you ever give to your wife as gifts are guns, ammo, and shooting paraphenalia. This is because you know that even if she doesn't use them, you and your buddies will. In return, she tends to give you cullinary supplies, perfume, and purses, and nylons.

...You have children with names like John Moses _______,
Diudonne Saive _______, Samuel _______, Eli Whitney _____.
(if you name any of them Eugene, 5 points taken off of total)

...Your dogs have names like Luger, Hardball, and Tracer.

... The bulk of your personal Library is concerned with firearms. Any non firearms related books are related to machining, heat treating, and chemistry.

... All of your guns are always loaded.

... You have more than one picture of John Moses Browning framed in your living room.

...You have a John Moses Browning on velvet that you had done up special while in Mexico, despite the fact that in this representation he bears a strong resemblance to "The King".

... You fantasize about building an amusement park for shooters.

... When the cops have a shootout with a barricaded perp, they stop by your house and invite you along so as to round their firepower requirements.

... You have range flags tied to various poles, fences, and wires in your neighborhood. You have lased all enfilades and defilades within eyesight, and have them named and charted in a handy reference book kept in your rifle case.


... Your kids run out of the house in the morning to remind you to carry extra ammo.

... the kids know that its easter because early that morning, shots are fired to the sound of Dad yelling, "There's that damned big rabbit again!".

[Jim V]

you have Colt tattooed on one hand's fingers and 1911 tattooed on the other hand.

ammo importers call you asking if there is anything you are looking for.

you call tell the caliber of a cartridge case just by its sound hitting the floor.

your kids know all the fast food places with in 5 miles of all the local gun shops and ranges.

you named your twins Win and Chester.

when someone mentions a Remington bronze, you ask when they made cannons and it's bore size.

you know the formula of Ed's Red by heart.

you have a pepper popper at the end of your drive.

your doorbell plays a burst of machinegun fire.

your home owners insurance would be cancelled if the underwriter knew just how much ammo/gun powder/primers you have stored.

your gun safe cost more than your newest car.

if you sold your gun stuff, you could buy the top of the line Rolls Royce for cash and get your change in Land Rovers.

the FBI's crime lab calls you for advise.

when asked, on your wedding day, if it was the happiest day of your life you say, "No, that was when I shot Distinguished."

you go on a month's tour of Europe and American ammo companies have to have lay offs.

your car never gets inside the 2 car garage due to the buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots stored there.

[C.R.Sam]

Had to put air shocks on the one ton power wagon cause of all the wheel weights hauled.

Wife's Volvo wagon dies from wheel weight haulin.

ATF troops take ten hours counting brass in the garage.

ATF troops get upset when you can't account for an Argentinian Mauser. Found it in truck, jack handle.

Eldest son visiting, asks "pop, is my room the only one in the house without a loaded gun?" Pop, "yeah, you want one?" Son "no thanks, brought my own."

Sam..a Lorcin in hand is better n two Wilsons in the safe.

[byerly]

Jim V, I know a guy with Colt's logo tatooed on his shoulder. Great topic.

[MP Freeman]

...you count your ammo in thousands.
-Ten thousand .308
-twelve thousand .45
- and so on...

...you count extra mags in tens or dozens.

...You watch the nature shows and when the animals are shown on the screen, you ponder distance and load.

REgards,
MP

[LawDog]

...Your girlfriend refuses to go see action movies with you.

...You go into a deep depression if you can't ID a weapon in a movie.

...The local gun shop has your phone number on speed dial.

LawDog

[Tshoes]

When you walk in to your local gun range, and half the sales staff ask YOU questions.

Major surplus ammo suppliers call YOU when they are low.

Marine Corps, Army, gov agencies, call you for best weapon selections for a given mission...

Sierra calls you for the BC's on Their bullets......

The NRA,GOA,and yourself have joint checking accounts....

When you spousal unit thinks NRA, GOA, ILA, are new monthly installment loans.......

You live in a 4 bedroom - 2 1/2 bath, and only one room is liveable..........

Your home needs painting, and your neighbors are not surprised when it's finished.....in woodland camo....(:

[mrat]

It is really scary how many of these describe me.

[45King]

Jim V,
Say, where can I find one of those machine gun doorbells?

[Thibault]

MAD DOG: The Browning/Elvis thang sent me ROTFL

[StephenT]

when you find loose ammo under the couch pillows and around the apartment, instead of spare change...

[rock_jock]

... While watching TV, you are dry-firing your gun more than handling the remote

... Your wife has subcategorized your gun expenses on your home budget software because "Gun" does not sufficiently desribe them

... You have several guns that your next door neighbor cop says his department won't let them shoot

... You debate carry options with yourself like women fret over fashion

... You pine away for a Barrett semi-auto .50BMG even though it costs more than your car and you really have no desire to shoot it on a regular basis

... Whenever someone states that the .44 Mag is the "most powerful handgun in the world", you launch into a ten-minute treatise on the .454 Casull and other offerings

... Before you started collecting, the guys you used to think were gun nuts seem like just a bunch of pinko commies now

... You visit TFL almost every day, even when you are sick or on vacation

[Jim V]

you can't remember the last time you bought ammo in less than case lots.

you fast forward videos to get to the gun scenes.

you have more ammo cans than the local Army Reserve unit.

you would be considered a major power to some 3rd world countries.

you call Brownell's and everybody wants to say "Hi."

if you don't call Brownell's at least once a week, they call you to make sure you are OK.

you are given 1,000 empty cartridge cases in a caliber you don't have and you go out and buy reloading dies, bullets and a firearm in that caliber so they "Don't go to waste."

a friend finds a rare pistol (only 5 known to exist) and you have the correct leather gear for it.

you had your car BEAR-COATed.

you were late for your wedding because you went to a gun show first.

you practice your "air draw", kind of like "air guitar."

your wind chimes are made from spent cartridge cases. (.50's and 20 m/m's work best)

your speedometer is calibrated in FPS.

ammo companies send you birthday and Christmas cards.

you have to spend most of a day moving ammo cans just to find the caliber you want to take to the range.

your 5 year old can fieldstrip and reassemble a M1 Garand, blindfolded.

all your pass words are gun related.

90% of your Favorites/Bookmarks are for gun sites.

you cut out, laminate and carry your best groups.

you really have to search through SMALL ARMS OF THE WORLD to find something you have not fired.

all your belts are made by holster makers.

you have shot out a 1911 barrel.

you have given a Browning Superimposed as a wedding gift.

you cleaned out your car trunk and found 1,000 rounds of .38 Special you forgot you had purchased.

both your daughter and wife are mad at you because you spent better than 2 hours talking guns with the daughter's new boyfriend.

you can figure Hatcher's RSP in your head.

you ever washed dirty cleaning patches in a delicated bag.

you get calls from police crime labs asking you to ID the strange firearms they get.

you checkered your bedposts.

you have relatives that cannot remember seeing you unarmed.

you have several sets of electronic earmuff hearing protectors.

you wear a set of custom molded ear plugs on cords around your neck 24/7.

you ask someone if they want to see a picture of your pride and joy and, instead of a photo of your new born, you show them one of your ROCK RIVER 1911.

you ever left a handfull of cartridges as a tip.




45KING, you asked about machinegun doorbells, a continuious loop recorder hooked to the circuit should work.
It did for me. LOL

[sw627pc]

More than one gun shop in town has you on speed dial.

Your wife/girlfriend/SO thinks Hoppe's #9 is an aftershave or cologne.

Your wife/girlfriend/SO WEARS Hoppe's #9 as a perfume.

You have more than five different brands of .22 LR on hand.

You own three or more guns of the same general design in the same caliber.

Your holster maker has you on speed dial.

Your holster maker says he has a three month backlog, but you can get your new holster in three weeks.


P.S.: I'm not saying how many of those, or the others listed above fit me!

[griz]

You see a gun you would love to have and then realize you already own one.
You have two identical 22's so if one breaks you will not be left without that model.

[sumabich]

You all have made me shoot perfectly good bourbon through my nose tonight. Bless you all, Jim V (you da man!) the only thing I can add is You might be a gun nut if all the neighbors know you don't call 911! Or, they hear gunfire and say "oh it's just my neighbor X trying out a new toy"! I have to admit the comments about the OOPS delivery guys is hitting a little too close for comfort. So many toys so little time and money!