Photoshoppers wanted, please! Ultimate hoplophobe stroke-inducer.

[FirstFreedom]

I initially posted this idea in a thread in the semi-auto handgun forum, but then got to thinking it would make a good thread of its own accord, so I'll reiterate it here for more traffic. I want to see this gun made if not in reality, at least in the mind and computer of a skillful photoshopper. The idea is to make DiFi lose sleep, get nauseous, and possibly go into uncontrollable convulsions (fingers crossed):

Criteria:

1. Most evil stock config: That's TWO pistol grips, front and rear, and NO shoulder stock. Even though shoulder stocks make the gun more shootable, they make it less evil. Front pistol grip is preferably horizontal, out to the left side (screw lefties! ). Actually, it needs to have an underfolder or collapsable (wire-frame) shoulder stock, but fixed in the folded/collapsed position so that it can never be used!!!

2. Most evil barrel length: Not rifle, not pistol, but around 11-14 inches. Scary stuff.

3. Most evil detachable magazine position: Forward of the rear grip, not inside it like a pistol.

4. Most evil color: duh! (flat black)

5. Most evil chambering: Either 5.7x28 ("cop-killer"), or .300 winmag ("sniper") - I think definitely the latter (.300 winmag), because it would just make so much less sense in this sized gun in full auto, and also because with just a smidgeon of effort, we could educate the blissninies that .300 winmag is BOTH cop-killer AND sniper ([color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color][color=#FF0000]█[/color]!). If we're photoshopping only, may as well make it a .338 lapua or .50 BMG even better (after all, whats better than a round with "machine gun" as part of it's name?). I think .308 is bare minimum. .223, although both "cop-killer" and "sniper", is not also "high-power", contrary to MD sniper reports. .308 and up (in a necked cartridge) is all three of these evil categories rolled into one!!!

6. Most evil action: duh! (select-fire). With a semi-auto version for non-Class III-licensed civilians. Much more scary when available at all the gun stores to the average joe. Truth be told, I'd be perfectly happy with it in semi-auto only, in a full-powered round, since it would be absolutely uncontrollable in full auto, and the whole point of the gun is to scare the blissninnies, so it must be primarily aimed at and available to, the civilian market.

7. Most evil optics: Very, VERY large night vision red dot, AND laser sight, of course. Must also have a very, very high front sight, a la AR or AK - nevermind the fact that it's in the way of the night vision optics. Rear peep - also very high so that it lines up with the unneccessarily-high front, but nevertheless works fine if you were to remove the night vision (albeit causing the gun to shoot 5 inches below POA out to 20 yards). Both front and rear irons fold down for good measure. Said front cannot be on the end of the barrel, because a protruding, bare barrel has a certain evil quality than should not be compromised, a la UZI. In fact, the barrel must extend at least 1-2 inches beyond the integral suppressor somehow (see below).

8. Most evil misc. accessories: Bayonet, bipod, flashlight, and sound suppressor (obviously). Fake suppressor for those who don't want to get the license for a real one. Somehow a very recognizable, open-"petaled" flash suppressor that is separate from the sound suppressor must also be integrated, as must a large, AR50-style muzzle-brake. I guess the best order to put things in, as you go out to the barrel's end is: bare barrel, integral sound suppressor, huge pyramid muzzle brake, then finally, conspicuous open-petal flash supressor. Somehow the bayonet must extend well past all these other gizmos under or over the barrel, or to the side even.

9. Must be takedown into several smaller parts, so that snipers can fit it in an itty-bitty case, like a small, thin briefcase, for re-assembly at job site - this is a no-brainer also, if you've learned anything from the movies, as the blisninnies have. Photoshoppers, put a large screw-ring, a la AR7, to indicate take-down ability.

10. Safety switch must be identical to AK47, large/visible.

11. AR15/M16-style front handguard (triangular) and M16 rear pistol grip, except that front handguard must have round holes, like a Browning 1919 machine gun; oh yeah.

12. VISIBLE gas tube coming off the barrel before disappearing into the handguard, with an AK47 angle to it.

13. Many, many, many unnecessary and unused accessory rails.

14. Holy crap! How could I forget bullpup config - rear grip and trigger assembly must be forward of action/bolt. If it has a rear stock at all, it must only be a buttpad placed directly adjacent to the rear of the bullpup action/receiver (protruding slightly higher and lower than the receiver butt), with no additional shoulder stock length. The underfolding/collapsible wire frame stock (fixed) should be added in addition to the bullpup-end buttpad. This gun is always AND, not or. So the detachable mag is behind the rear grip, not in front of it as I said above. Obviously, the mags must be minimum of 30 rounders, or a Beta or drum type. Also must be convertible to belt-feeding as well, clearly. Tripod instead of bipod when in LMG config (belt-fed).

15. No trigger guard on the trigger, just a large bare trigger ("hair" of course - duh).

16. I would also like to see, for the photshop version only, 2 or 4 actual little flesh-colored legs, and an arm and hand protruding out of the receiever, with hand on the grip and finger on the trigger, to indicate that this gun is capable of killing people of it's own volition. Probably parapalegic schoolchildren. Perhaps even scary eyes & eyebrows, and a madman's grin.

17. The night vision optics must be on top of a large carry handle, a la M16.

18. Must be horribly inaccurate, incapable of hitting any game without sheer dumb luck, so that we can't hide behind it's use as a sporting arm, as an excuse for not banning it. Strictly a spray and pray proposition. Make it smoothbore with a pot metal barrel if you have to - whatever it takes! Just kidding on this one if the gun is ever actually made. Everthing else I really want to see!

Size and weight are NO objects here. In fact, it needs to be ridiculously large and disproportional. The only limits are that it must be concealable under a large trench coat, and takes down into briefcase size, as mentioned. To the extent possible, you really want to combine the most salient evil features of the AK, AR, UZI, AUG, and MP5 - some of the most most recognizable EBRs to the sheeple. This is a longish-term project that will have to be done in high resolution to have full effect, but it should be worth the effort when it's done, I think. A user-angle-controllable, CAD/CAM-style 3-D image would be ideal.

[Note/Disclaimer: If you're reading this and are not familiar with the incoherent and illogical "arguments" of the gun-ban crowd, then you will probably not appreciate the satire here, and you will thus think I'm serious about the cop-killer stuff, etc. I'm not.]

[FirstFreedom]

I've made a few additions to the requirements, so re-read it if you didn't catch them all. Thanks. I swear I didn't have THAT much caffiene today.

[Wraith]

Ha! You want ALL of those things on a weapon?

[Casp_A]

Hey, don't forget the spider-drum and the 37mm launcher.

[FirstFreedom]

Yes, and yes, definitely. It needs to look like you might die if you just touch it - anyone else have thoughts?

[Destructo6]

You could start with this:

[Tamara]

I think we have a winner...

[Quartus]

But can it down an airliner 12 miles away? That's what I want to know! And can it shoot through an entire row of gasoline tanks at a refinery! (Blowing them all up in the process, of course.) Huh? Can it?


And where's the bayonet? A gun like that should have a bayonet! An 18" bayonet! NO! a 24" bayonet!

[Apple a Day]

I don't have photoshop, just MSPAINT. I threw this together on short notice.

[Quartus]

I like it!

[mussi]

Instead of a grenade cup, put a sound suppressor at the end of the barrel and remove the bipod, or rather attach it to the forearm and let it fold forward so the grenade launcher can still fire without hitting it.

[Casp_A]

But mussi, we're trying to be impractical here!

Also, I'm working on a hand-drawn one right now.

[TheBluesMan]

[gifted]

How the heck would you take that uber-banana magazine off of there?

[Quartus]

You don't. It reloads from the top via stripper clips.


REAAAAALLY LONNNNGGG stripper clips!

[trapshooter]

I'll take one in .50BMG, please.

And the MK-19 with the bayonet lug and 40 power scope while you are back there.

[FirstFreedom]

Apple a Day and BluesMan - ROTFL! Yeah, that's what I'm talkin bout! Destructo - nice, a belt-fed MP5 - yeah that is a good start, but it needs help.

You don't. It reloads from the top via stripper clips.


REAAAAALLY LONNNNGGG stripper clips!

LMBO Quartus! Yes, it needs to be capable of taking down airliners and used in various other anti-material applications, obviously. It will also clearly become the preferred weapon of choice for terrorists, both foreign and domestic, available without a background check somehow, even from dealers, at American gunshows. And yes, read the requirements carefully - it MUST have an extraordinarily long bayo.

[Quartus]

And yes, read the requirements carefully - it MUST have an extraordinarily long bayo.

Oh, I just skimmed them an missed that part. I just knew instinctively that a bayonet was required!

I mean, if just the presence of a bayonet LUG is so deadly it merits banning a weapon, imagine how badly the actual bayonet will upset them!

[Casp_A]

nice, a belt-fed MP5 - yeah that is a good start, but it needs help.

Dude, that's not photoshoped, that's a real weapon.

[Any .45]

mmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

[FirstFreedom]

that's a real weapon

Wow.

Still, it needs modification to meet more requirements. Good point, Quartus - as if the empty lug wasn't evil enough.

[mohomesteading]

Fantasy evil guns are one thing...but the look of the M-1 Garand with an older 16" bayonet would be enough to give most firearm-phobic people a coronary. Besides, I do use my Garand for hunting, with the bayonet it makes a good hog gun for when you may need to go hand to hoof with a charge wild porker...or is that JBT? You know, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between them....

[Preacherman]

I can only quote the good Colonel, quoting one of his "family":

If the answer is a 40-pound bolt gun with two bipods, it must have been a pretty stupid question!

[horge]

These days, who needs to Photoshop?



Oooops, I believe I may have misunderstood you.
I went for astonishing rather than scary.




horge

[PromptCritical]

The birdman may have some inspirational ideas for ya

www.birdman.org