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Old October 20, 1999, 02:23 PM   #1
swampgator
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ckurts: Gen-X? Ouch that hurts.
For the record I: do not own a pair of pants baggier than Dockers.
Do not own: A GLOCK.
Well you get the point, but to be honest I am ex-military.

Dr ROB: Got anymore friends we haven't heard about ?
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Old October 20, 1999, 02:36 PM   #2
legacy38
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any .22 lr handgun (especially a S&W 422): Carries five pounds worth of bullets to the range and spends less than the guy next to him with the centerfire did on a box 50 rounds. Hits what he aims at. Then pulls out the centerfire (most likely a Glock because he's already proven his intelligence and economic prowess) just to show the guy next to him that he CAN run with the big boys.
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Old October 20, 1999, 03:22 PM   #3
Dago
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Dr. Rob,

STOP!!!!!! You're killin' me. The back of my head aches from laughing so hard!!!!! Whew.
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Old October 20, 1999, 05:05 PM   #4
Dr.Rob
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Yeah have I mentioned :

The colonel: 54, pot bellied, distingusished looking old-money dripping guy smoking a mercham pipe. Mushtace wax, and creased kahki. Looks at your store bought rifle with utter disdain as he rubs the 24 lines per inch hand checkering on his custom Holland and Holland rifle. He snaps the butterknife bolt down and recants some far of sailing story/war story about his time with "the regiment". You can stand him. You are positively VERDANT with envy. You don't like him. But you listen cause you know its real. And you want to shoot that gun that cost as much as your car.

Betty Crocker: she's a nine to five house wife who only shows up on the weekends. She makes charmingly little small talk. "Hello fellas" She opens up her personalized powder blue hard case and fires exactly 200 rounds through her stock smith 5906. She smiles like martha stewart baking a delicious cake and dusting it with powdered sugar through a decorative lace doilie. She scares the living hell out of you.

Mom: Mom is that lady at the range who watches the boys (or girls) shoot ALL DAY with an amused look. She has sandwiches and coffee for everyone. She declines to shoot all day long and then with some gentle prodding from dad, who loads her browning take down 22 rifle FOR HER, she shoots the ten ring out of the target. FIVE TIMES. Mom is done shooting after a box and you note that mom left the rear sight folded down. you make a mental note to yourself NOT to stop by at MOM's for milk and cookies in the middle of the night. Mom smiles at you and asks you if you want more coffee. You smile and nod.

the gargoyle: yes his gargoyle sunglasses, mustache and sho-lo haircut brag mountains about his manliness, though he's got a few extra pounds around his middle. He has the most powerful handgun he can afford and yet he is STILL curious about the guns on your bench. Will he ever be sastified? You line up your last sight picture on a perfect score when you here "WOW what's THAT one???" Your last round kareens off the hanger and the range officer shoots you a warning look. The gargoyle says "wow that shoots high." You mutter to your guns as he lumbers off to harass the NEXT guy.

Tank Girl: she's sporting a mowhawk made of cornrows a bright red pair of hot pants, fishnets, a baby doll t-shirt with a glittery letters and an assault vest. She's raining rapid fire death on tin cans and bowling pins with a tec-9 that NEVER JAMS or falls apart. She giggles at you as you stand slack jawed and swooning. She looks deadly serious and never flinches or blinks as she fires. Your heart swoons.Mom yanks the covers off and tells you you are late for school.

Lil Cindy Who: Daddy is over there shooting god knows what and god knows why, but lil cindy is standing there watching you intently. Her face is dirty in the way ALL little kids faces are. She has an incredible look of shyness and wonder on her face. Watch your language. Reward her interest with a shiny shell casing you just fired. She will go home with a pocket full and arrange them in a small box. Maybe she'll open the box someday and remember that day.

Shy boy: Age doesn't matter. he's had the same clothes as he did when he was in high school. You know, the tough skins and pocket protector. He is talkative with his friends but generally avoids eye contact, even when he asks you for help. His guns are low budget but he shoots well. Owns a LOT of knives. Most likely to buy a "this is your brain on hollowpoints shirt" which he will wear to the star trek convention. Did i mention he owns a LOT of knives? Speaks in klingon to his girlfriend.

I may have to change formats to people I've met IN THE FIELD

Dr.Rob
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Old October 20, 1999, 09:42 PM   #5
TheBluesMan
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Dr. Rob,



You were made for this thread and vice versa. For the past three days, you have kept me ROTFLMFAO!



The Roughneck He's usually a fun guy to be around, in small doses. Shoots a Sears & Roebuck 16 ga. that his daddy gave him when he was 9. Drinks WAY too much when he drinks, and it seems like he is ALWAYS drinking. Elbows you in the ribs repeatedly when telling stories around the campfire. Always looks like it has been 3 days since his last shave and smells like 5 since his last shower. Life member of the NRA and usually the guy that the media chooses to interview outside the gun show. (While they pass up clean cut types like you and me.)



More later....



------------------
RKBA!

"A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you." - Ramsey Clark

"Rights are liable to be perverted to wrongs when we are incapable of rightly exercising them." - Sarah Josepha Hale


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Old October 20, 1999, 10:17 PM   #6
DC
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Doc Rob..
You are really good at this.
Request, tell me about Emiliano (the old Mexican)...I bet you can do it

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Old October 20, 1999, 11:33 PM   #7
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Doc Rob,
I suppose you realize that you are the chief instigator for the longest running topic that I have personally seen since coming to this site. If one website has managed to turn me into a "cyber fugitive", this is the one.
On the old thread I noted where someone mentioned .41 Magnums. It has been my experience that anyone who possesses this caliber either knows a lot about guns or took some good advice from someone who did. And about 99% of those who possessed them were gents that should not be trifled with.
My brother (a deputy sheriff) recently retired his .45 Government to carry a very nice Model 57 he came up with. You need to examine and write about those who carry this caliber, they are usually a breed apart.
Another post concerned those guns that people buy but you never see them on the range. I give you the .22 Mini-Revolver! Many who have fallen under the influence of this strange beast surely watched too many episodes of "The Wild, Wild West" at one time or the other. You can put the thing in your boot, in your belt buckle, down the small of your back or suspend it from a necklace. James West would have loved it!
For some reason some of our local departments had an infection of ".22 Mini-Revolveritis", a queer malady that makes grown men go crazy by laying down good, negotiable Yankee currency and coming up with insane excuses of why they bought it or where they might conceal it. I raised an eyebrow when some ventured the claim that they would use it as a backup weapon (better than nothing...barely) but when they showed up at the range calling it their off-duty pistol you could only see my whites because my pupils were rolled up so far inside my head. But like any infection, if one survives the fever will break. In this case it was an episode concerning poor unfortunate who bought one to commit suicide with and had to shoot himself three times to get the job done. Such an unhappy (and messy) circumstance finally made several "police trained minds" snap on the fact that maybe a little serious reconsideration was in order. This was followed by a rather severe depreciation in the local mini-revolver market. Who said cops can't take a hint?

Take care and God bless to all,
Paladin
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Old October 21, 1999, 02:05 AM   #8
George Hill
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No one has mentioned THE DEPUTY:

He is spit and polish - short hair, tall build, Ponche and John mirrored sunglasses. His guns that are not worn on the belt - are in a metal locked portable gun vault that takes 2 keys to open. He talks to no one and doesnt smile. He hangs his target with a studied precise manor and loads his gun only after every thing is JUST RIGHT.
He slowly fires all his rounds DAO in a anal methodical way. All very orderly... Then when he brings the target back there are no two holes near each other all the way out to the 7 ring.

------------------
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
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Old October 21, 1999, 02:50 AM   #9
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I've been wondering about the mini-revolver and when it would show up here; I just didn't know anyone with one. I do hold that an inadequate gun is better than no gun, however...

I rather like the way this thing has morphed into the personalites at the range, beyond their guns...

-------------

Good Ole Boy Mk III: Drinks a good deal more Pearl Lite than he needs to. Cruises up in his work pickup that looks like it's about 20 years old until you realize it's a '98. Pulls out an abused 6 mm Remington 700 and complains he can't get it to shoot, asks you to try it, and makes you feel good when you print a half MOA group with it. Closer inspection the next time this occurs reveals the rifle to be spotlessly cleaned with a perfect bore, even though he claims he "never cleans it." You suspect he's a lot better shot than he lets on, and that he brings the rifle out to charge your ego. Also has a Sig that he plays precisely the same trick with.

Half-wit Stan, the 12-guage man: On private or unoccupied ranges, comes out just about every September to "pattern" his shotguns at the beginning of dove season. Actually blows away the backstops repeatedly. "Gosh, wonder what'll happen if I shoot that with 8 shot from 15 feet?" The same thing that happened last year, Stan. The same thing that happened the last 24 times you did it this year, Stan. If you see Stan doing this, please tell him to leave.

Once-a-year Deer-hunter guy: You will see this guy ONE time a year, sometime during the month of October. He often fires half of his rifle groups at 50 yards, and folks, you've seen better with that load and rifle combo from 200. But give him this-- he does check his zero before deer season, and he's usually pretty nice. Sometimes needs assistance when cleaning his rifle with little items like how to remove his bolt, or, say, a cleaning rod. Go ahead and help him. That kid that's with him doesn't deserve to inherit a pitted bore.

The Gamesman: Every group has "flyers." Only shoots 185's or lower through his .45, and is looking for a bigger AimPoint to put on top of it. His 12 lb. .308 with the 20X 60mm scope shoots 190 grainers into 1/4 MOA, but he could never take advantage of this on an unmeasured course, having to ask you if this is the 100 yard or the 200 yard backstops, so that he can dial in the correct number of clicks to adjust. Never saw him shoot "offhand." Really a good shot... if everything's the way he needs it... precisely.

Yahoo Guy: I have never, but NEVER seen anyone else capable of shooting off more rounds out of a lever action faster than this kid. How many hit the target? Now, that's not the important thing, here...!

The Prodigy: You may even have brought this shooter out, yourself. Just as likely to be female as male, you hand them your easiest "training" gun, which they then proceed to slowly widen one hole with, in the center of the bull. When you move back, you find they outshoot you. Handing them a harder-kicking "more serious" weapon, they proceed to make you look like an untrained neophyte by taming the gun and soon are putting rapid fire into tight clusters. You hate The Prodigy, and this is partly because he/she is at all times completely polite and humble, treating you as the expert while out-shooting you completely, and never noticing. The Prodigy is good at a LOT of other things, too... damn it...

****

More later...

------------------
Will you, too, be one who stands in the gap?

Matt




[This message has been edited by Long Path (edited October 21, 1999).]
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Old October 21, 1999, 05:49 AM   #10
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This has been a really fun thread. I just sorta wanted to share a few oddball folks I've encountered over the years, although I don't know what their names are.

The first that come to mind are this couple, mebbe you've seen 'em, mebbe not. She is about 5' even and 300lbs, knee length hair and wears a flower print tent, he is about 6' even, mebbe 150lbs soaking wet, cowboy boots, black jeans and slick short hair. They take the last lane, have one long barreled Ruger Blackhawk and 3 ammo cans full of boxes with taped labels with lotsa hand scribbed notes. They use paper plates at targets and run them alllll the way down, and don't replace them until the center is totally shot out. Real nice folks, but others warn you not to invite them out to shoot trap 'cause its the same story. Their trap gun is a presentation LC Smith 16 which they share, shells come outta box with hand written labels and they never miss. Their favorite joke is to offer up a box of handloads for you to try and in there somewhere is one loaded with Pyrodex. Nice folks.

The Human Ransom Rest.
Theres always one in every cycle. Usually female, never held a weapon before, often inner city. First day at the range, they do exactly what they are told. You are zeroing their 16 for 'em. Every time you make an adjustment, their little tiny chewed up hole moves exactly the amount of the adjustment. You toy with their sights cause you can't belive it, but there it is, each group. You know the 16 is junk, but they don't know anything that you haven't told them and they trust you implicitly. You make a note of the weapon number to check it out later, cause you could never shoot that tight yourself. The qualify expert of course, and you really wish they were going combat arms, but they are off to become supply clerks, jag assistants or whatever. Oh well. They do the same thing with the M1911. (I was out before the Beretta was in). You may see them later in life, they have orange or blue hair and may cross your mind in those moments before you really wake up. Strange.
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Old October 21, 1999, 05:13 PM   #11
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More on the teenygunitis. One of my friends who could stick a SuperBlackHawk in his pocket. Wears 4X clothing carrys a .22mag in his right front pocket. He has done so religiously since they came out. Funny thing is he saved an Atlanta Cops life several years ago by taking out a perp from 20 feet with it. Other than that one miricle, We call them "NutBusters" after a LEO snagged a hammer putting it in his pocket with his finger on the trigger.

My favorite movie is "Tell them Valdez is comming". You cannot stop a man who knows he is right.

Great thread. We need more good humor about guns.

Cheers,

ts
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Old October 21, 1999, 05:39 PM   #12
Dr.Rob
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wow you guys I feel so flattered...

Um ACTUALLY DC there was this old mexican guy I met on an elk hunt in colorado:

The mexican: His skin was the color of tobacco stains and the leather of his gunbelt threatened to break under the strain of his enormous belly. In his fancy leather six shooter rig is a ruger single six.. and twenty-four 22 lr bullets ride in teeny tiny shell loops. It was 40 degrees and he was wearing nothing but a flannel shirt and jeans and his trademark stained straw cowboy hat. he was friendly, courteous.Thinks your truck won't cross the river he forded to get here. Two days later you see the tire tracks going in and out of a beaver pond six feet deep and shake your head in disbelief. Plastic jesus on the dash board, 30-30 in the gunrack of his 2 wheel drive high lift truck. Not a lick of orange on him. Nice fellow though.

Moses: He's the old man wrapped up in a blanket in a chair overlooking a long sleepy meadow of succulent grass. He has a scoped weatherby rifle and a full thermos and a whistful look in his eye. He tell you his "boys" left himthere to watch while they stomp around after them elk in the woods. He's old and frail but tough. You run into his "boys" later in the day, both of which are in their 60's. You promise yourself as long as dad can hold a rifle you will drive him into the woods every year.

Ren and Stimpy: You see these guys every year.. you consider hunting with them every tome but something holds you back. Their truck is a two wheel drive 73 ford with wyoming plates on the front and colorado plates on the rear. Both are of course expired. One has glasses so thick he can't read a map the other posesses the eyesight of a bird of prey. One is fat the other thin. They are complete opposites.You have run into thier truck late at night , stumbling out of the woods in a blinding snowstorm... they of course gave you a ride back to camp.. but only after subjecting you to a concoction they called "road mix" to take off the chill. (road mix .. take what ever left over booze you have, insert into translucent plastic canteen, leave on dash board and drive nasty 4wd logging roads at gran prix speed) They tell you as you pull up to camp it was jack daniels and peach schnapps. It wasn't bad. Ren and stimpy can be counted to be looking for you if you are lost.

Roy: you are having lunch on the last day of the hunt and a truck pulls up and warns you an old man will be coming up the trail. "if he falls off put him back on the horse, it knows the way home". An hour later,Roy shows up, a man between 50 and 90 with hands as soft as rawhide and no weapon in sight. Orange cover on his cowboy hat, red wool plaid coat. Horse as old as he is. He's calling this year done. He is of course sitting backwards in the saddle and resting a can of beer on the ass of the horse he is riding. You chat for a while and roy reaches into his coat and takes a LONG pull off a bottle of rot gut and chases to with a sip of brew. He looks over his shoulder as his horses's ear flickers. The horse returns to standing absolutely still. He tells stories for the better part of an hour and offers you some of his bottle.. you decline cause after all.. you are still gonna hunt, right? Roy finally rides off into the sunset, backwards on his horse toasting you with a can of beer. And it dawns on you.. that's what this hunting stuff is all about after all.

The indian guide: He's a friend of your dad's His 30-30 has brass beads in the stock and he has eyes like no one you have ever met.You are walking along an old logging road when you realize he is no longer beside you. You turn to see him ministering over a pile of elk bones, you feel its best to let him alone. Suddenly you hear a shot and you look behind you .. there he is standing on the logging trail with a smoking rifle. See anything?? "four elk.. up there.. in that aspen grove" You look up the hill 400 YARDS up the hill!!!! you say "was it a bull or a cow?" "Bull" he says, "shot him in the neck, shook his head and laughed at me" you go up the hill and sure enough at 400 yards uhill, in a dense aspen grove BEHIND a bush you find a blood trail. You look back at the brass beads and iron sights on his gun. You track all day and night over hill and dale. Over rocks over snow on your hands and knees looking for individual drops of blood on leaves and grass. He tracks where there are no tracks. He tracks where there is no blood. You are exhausted and pissed off when you reach the river the elk have crossed and its getting dark and the indian guide says to you "we'll get him next year". You scowl in disbelief. You tell your dad the story and he remarks... oh the indian was a green beret sniper. You think back on the magical feats of the past day.. and begin to realize maybe its not all indian tricks... but still you wonder. Years later you realize you learned a lot on that day....


Sometimes when i think of these stories/antecdotes i get a little misty eyed.. hunting and shooting are a lot of fun but also they have taught me a lot of lessons about life. Iv'e made a lot of friends, met a lot of nice and helpful folks in the woods, some ODD ones and a few i really didn't care for much. But that's how life is I guess.

hoping to keep the humor flowing,

Dr.Rob

[This message has been edited by Dr.Rob (edited October 22, 1999).]
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Old October 21, 1999, 10:54 PM   #13
Long Path
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DC--

The Emiliano Zapata that I knew was a thin, middle-aged to older man, hard and gaunt. He wore, of course, the almost uniform straw cowboy hat, with the sides rolled upwards sharply and a great deal of stains in it, though it shed rain and sun well. Emiliano had, when I saw him, a very, VERY old single-shot .22 LR rifle that was just about the ugliest, most beat-up firearm that I've ever seen in working order. The extractor stuck something aweful, and although I didn't see the bore, it would truly shock me to find that anything resembling rifling was still extent. There was NO blue left. The stock was, naturally, repaired. The sights were, naturally, crude at best, with the rear blade elevated with a splinter of wood. Never saw Emiliano fire at the same place twice, but he hit what he shot at, mostly. I think a lot of this had to do with target choice. He doesn't talk so much, but then, as my Spanish is not so good, and his English is probably only marginally better, we probably wouldn't get very far if we tried, anyway. Although he certainly makes enough to feed himself and family without the supplement, he has the air of a man who still hunts rabbits for sustainance, even now. Very likely that old rifle has accounted for more than a few venados in its time, but they weren't hunted for sport.

I wish my Spanish was better; I'd kinda like to know his story, now that I think of it.

------------------
Will you, too, be one who stands in the gap?

Matt




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Old October 21, 1999, 11:31 PM   #14
Paladin
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...and no one has yet mentioned "THE GUN WRITER".
We all know him in some way. Writes a monthly column in "Guns and Lying" magazine. Wears some sort of western costume that puts one in mind of a bad imitation of Porter Waggoner. Wouldn't remove that Steson from his head for his own funeral going by. His picture (taken fifteen years ago) stares out steely-eyed from the glossy page adjacent to the byline where he's referred to by some honorary or elected title. Most folks don't know that the picture is more recent than when he last served in that capacity, and that there is usually a good reason why. But the stories he can tell! Friends, there's not a politician alive that can tell a windy one like our boy here can. He's a true legend in his own mind.
He's also the guy that has never tested a gun yet that he doesn't urge everyone to go out and buy. Proclaims it will certainly revolutionize the shooting world and if you (the proverbial consumer sheep being led to the blood letting) don't go out and buy this little marvel; well, doom, despair and ashes upon your crown of ignorance. So out you go and buy it, along with all the accessories that accompany such a purchase. And when you get out to the range? Yep, you guessed it, when it does happen to go off you couldn't group it inside a number two washtub at five feet.
Yes sir, he's a gun writer extraordinaire. He goes out to the range in that shiny new customized Blazer with enough aftermarket lighting to light up an astronomer's black hole. Takes him three and a half hours to unload the thing, even with the aid of his ever-worshipal croonies vying for a free box of .45 Long Colts or that pair of slightly used Gargoyles. Gets everything set up only to blow one of his Oehrler screens into .475 Limbaugh oblivion on the second round at ten feet out. Darn!
All knowingly he turns to his entourage and mumbles something about the sights being off. The entourage, reminding one of that legendary trio of intellectualism know as Moe, Larry and Curly nod in unquestioning agreement. They pack up the Blazer and head over to that Mexican eating place where once again he tells his tales of derring-do to his attentive audience. All except the waitress of course, who heard the tales when they were new and knows that this guy was no place around when the deal went down. Besides, he's a lousy tipper.
Gotta go guys.
Take care and God bless to all,
Paladin

[This message has been edited by Paladin (edited October 22, 1999).]
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Old October 22, 1999, 12:42 AM   #15
Long Path
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Ouch! I'm acquainted with one of the members of this tribe (from your area)who is apparently represented by your remarks, Paladin, and I've got to ask, did he shoot your dog, man? He'd be happy to give up the honorific if only the magazine would. The magazine, of course, won't let him put bad reviews in it, so he has to find glowing ones for them to publish. He's a far better shot than you or me, but he does have to do a bit of grandstanding; that's the price you pay to get paid to shoot new guns and free ammo all day long.

[This message has been edited by Long Path (edited October 22, 1999).]
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Old October 22, 1999, 01:23 AM   #16
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Then there's the Sooner, or more commonly reffered to as the Know it All.
He's the guy at a gunshow who claims to know everything about guns, ammo and their related accoutremants. The Sooner will tell you why his Bersa 9mm is better than my SIG and your Glock, and that guy's HK. The Sooner tells a good story, but it's just that. The Sooner says he can outshoot anyone at the range with any gun, but would pick his Bersa over anything else. When you tell the Sooner you plan to go out and do a little shooting, the Sooner is never avaialble (as if you'd really want this character along). People make fun of the Sooner, behind his back and to his face, but the Sooner is too busy telling his tales to whoever will listen to even notice. You can actually humor the Sooner for a little while, but just a little while.
After all you'd sooner blow your brains out than listen to another word.
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Old October 22, 1999, 02:32 AM   #17
swampgator
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How about Harry: Not the brightest bulb in the box, but you'll never meet a harder physical worker. And given a 16 ga single barrel and a box of shells can bring home more squirrels than are legal in this state. Then after all are cleaned you sneak out back to his shack and listen to Lester Flat and Earl Scruggs and Marty Robbins and a million other country singers who haven't made new music in my lifetime (25 years).

This post is dedicated to:

Harry Duncan 1920-1988 who never received any recongnition in life but taught me a lot about how to life it. Thank you, your friend Matt.
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Old October 22, 1999, 09:37 AM   #18
Dennis
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Nice post, Matt. It's good to remember our "Harrys". Mine was named Carl Davis.

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Old October 22, 1999, 01:22 PM   #19
Correia
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The following are real people that I have known:

The Moron- Similar to the know it all in the fact that they think they know everything. Except they are just stupider than hell. I had a roomate like this. Liked to twirl his Ruger MkII on his finger and drop it into his holster wild west style, it was ok because "the safety is on". Had about a dozen guns in his room and kept them all loaded and laying around "because an unloaded gun is just a club". Oh good I feel safer with that .300 win mag loaded since we live in a suburban area, just in case of a rabid moose was to attack. If you shot a 1" group, then he has shot a 1/2. If you had shot a hard kicking rifle, he has shot one bigger. Tell about the best shot you have ever made, thats nothing, he has done that tons of times. Note, you have never seen this person shoot. He is always busy. States that all cops are pansies who can't shoot nearly as good as he can, and the "carry" gun that he was saving up for was a .357 mag deasert eagle. Will argue endlessly that the ballistics of a .44 magnum are inferior to the .357 when asked why he can't explain it, just says that all real experts know that. Argues that the 38 special is more powerful than the 9mm, because a 9mm is a "sissy" gun. He is 35, works at a dead end job, and can't for the life of him figure out why girls don't want to date him.

Seth, the ex-navy cowboy- Now this guy is cool. Spent five years in the navy specializing in getting into barfights. Now he works with horses and only gets into fights on weekends. Has one rifle, a 1886 roth-steyer, converted to 45-70, uses it for everything from squirrls to elk. (you wouldn't belive its effect on rabbits) He doesn't miss. Has one pistol .30 carbine blackhawk, doesn't miss much with that either. Likes the post hole digger effect of 500 grain bullets on the backstop at the range. The only time I have ever seen him without a hat is when he got married, and that was only during the ceremony. Usually forgets to wear hearing protection.
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