"The FUD Files" Daily Surveillance Report

**Mike Irwin** · September 13, 2000, 10:44 PM

TOP SECRET

Date: 09/15/2000

Subject: Daily surveillance report

Target: FUD, aka “FUD the Lucky,” aka “HOA FUD,” aka “FUDagator,” aka “Elmer”

Agent: Mike “Skulder” Irwin

Activities:

0530: On station outside subject’s residence.

0610: President of the local Homeowner’s Association out jogging. As HOA president passed subject’s house, he egged it repeatedly.

0713: Subject emerged from home with his lunch sack and proceeded to car parked in driveway.

Midway to car he stopped and issued a “double-bird salute” in the general direction of the home
of the president of his Homeowner’s Association.

Subject was observed with a large bulge on his right side near proximity of his hip. It is likely that the subject maintains his practice of carrying a concealed weapon. God help us all.

0715: Subject slammed his left hand and right foot in car door while attempting to enter the automobile. I could hear subject cursing from across the street.

0716: Subject exited the driveway, forgetting the lunch he had placed on top of his automobile.

Mrs. FUD makes a mean meatloaf and cheese sandwich. The container of stewed prunes was
discarded.

0748: Subject arrived at his office. Judging by the fact that he was cursing loudly enough for me
to hear him from 12 parking spaces away, it was obvious he missed his lunch. I belched, and made a mental note to, once the surveillance is completed, obtain Mrs. FUD’s meatloaf recipe.

0749: Subject slammed his tie in his car door and nearly decapitated himself when he tried to walk away.

0750: Subject made it to the front door of his office with no further incident, unless you consider accidently locking his briefcase in the newspaper dispenser an incident. God help us all.

1148: Subject emerged from his office. It was obvious that he had not been having a good day.

His tie was shredded, his left eye was blackened, and his eyebrows appeared to be missing.

(Note: A later interview with coworkers revealed the nature of these injuries.

Tie: Subject accidentally caught tie in paper shredder.

Blackened eye: Subject’s desk lamp, suddenly and in an unexplained fashion, swung and struck him.

Eyebrows: Subject apparently overheated a “Pop Tart” in the microwave, and upon opening the door was struck with hot filling that removed said eyebrows.

Coworker’s unanimous verdict? God help us all.)

Continued on page 2.....

------------------
Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.

FUD · September 13, 2000, 11:06 PM

C.R.Sam · September 13, 2000, 11:13 PM

God help us all.....it's catchin..I got it.

beemerb · September 13, 2000, 11:20 PM

Get C.R.Sam to tell you about his day.He is running a close Fud second day.I had to go home for my own safty.

------------------
Bob--- Age and deceit will overcome youth and speed.
I'm old and deceitful.

Coronach · September 13, 2000, 11:56 PM

I can barely type I'm laughing so hard. And I can't decide which is funnier, the report from our operative in the field, or the photograph.

God Help Us All

Mike

------------------
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert Heinlein

**4V50 Gary** · September 14, 2000, 12:03 AM

I hope Fud isn't intending to shave with those things. If you are, don't cuz I'll send ya a packet of disposables. We don't want to lose you Fud.

FUD · September 14, 2000, 12:26 AM

No, I don't shave with them. I always secure the swords first thing in the morning even before I shower & shave because they are razor sharp and I'm afraid that the little one might get her hands on them and accidently cut herself.

Why the swords? Simple & short answer ... possible snakes -- a razor sharp sword (or two) is more effective than a gun and inside the house it is more practical to chop it than to shoot it. Regards, FUD.

C.R.Sam · September 14, 2000, 12:37 AM

Had a bad sword day. Hot, inspection formation on tarmack, parade rest for a long time, very sleepy, leanin a little on sword, admiral shows, call to attention, my sword was stuck in the tarmack, I was at attention and sword going twang wang wang, chief of staff pointed me out to the admiral. I really wanted to melt into the tarmac.

Sam..clutzy didnt come with age, I came with it.

**Mal H** · September 14, 2000, 12:49 AM

Mike - that was one of the best laughs I've had in weeks!

FUD has swords in his home? God help us all!

Now I know where the furniture stores get all their "distressed" furniture. It's come from FUD's house as he goes for the occasional snake. You know, the ones that go bump in the night.

KaMaKaZe · September 14, 2000, 05:16 AM

Oh man.. at the rate these posts are going, I'd have to stay up all night to get a good laugh. I don't think this can wait until I make it into the office each morning!

FUD should be the "poster child" for TFL. When are the next round of T-shirts printed?

------------------
God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country!

oberkommando sez:
"We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

KaMaKaZe · September 14, 2000, 05:45 AM

FUD, you aren't related to these people are you?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>
'Horror movie' scenes as berserk kangaroo terrorises family

A kangaroo smashed through a glass front door and terrorised a Northern Territory family during a three-hour rampage through their home.

Jabiru resident Mr Dean Khan armed himself with an empty bourbon bottle to take on what he assumed was a human home invader when he was woken by the crash of shattered glass shortly after midnight on Tuesday, police said. The 1.7-metre kangaroo, cut and bleeding, then bounded through the mining town house and over an 11-year-old boy - one of five children in the house.

Unable to get the crazed animal out, the children's mother, Ms Lisa Miller, called police.

One of the two officers who attended, Senior Constable Alistair Taylor, said the house looked like the set of a horror movie.

"There was blood and broken glass everywhere, blood all over the child's bed and up the walls, and a puppy was cowering terrified in a corner," he said.

Constable Taylor and Constable Tim Perry spent the next two hours trying to coax the wounded animal, which they suspected may have been chased into town by dingoes, out of the house.

"It was hissing at us, rearing up at us boxing-like with its front paws," Constable Taylor said.

The ordeal ended when police roped and hogtied the animal and bustled it into a police car. The kangaroo was later destroyed.
[/quote]

------------------
God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country!

oberkommando sez:
"We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

mcshot · September 14, 2000, 07:18 AM

Does are beloved FUD's initials mean "F....in Up Daily"?
I wouldn't get too close on those surveilance runs there Mike.
After seeing the picture of our hero with swords I'm more concerned for the gators, snakes and neighbors than the big guy himself.

Ya'll keep it comin ya hear!

------------------
"In my opinion, anyone pushing through anti-gun legislation is a bloody traitor and should be sent up for treason" N.H. Stuart

buzz_knox · September 14, 2000, 07:31 AM

ROTFLMAO!

FUD · September 14, 2000, 08:04 AM

Agent Mike, Page two?

(The morning one was excellent. Thanks, FUD)

Glamdring · September 14, 2000, 08:16 AM

...GOD HELP US ALL!

**Mike Irwin** · September 14, 2000, 09:44 AM

I'll write up page two when I stop laughing from page 1...

------------------
Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag.
Chances are he knows how to use it.

Mr. Pub · September 14, 2000, 10:35 AM

How about a FUD web site with web cameras in every room like Dennis Rodman has at http://www.rodmantv.com/

FUD · September 14, 2000, 10:46 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mal H: ... FUD has swords in his home? ...[/quote]Here's a photo of some of my swords -- the majority of them are locked up in the safe

KaMaKaZe · September 14, 2000, 11:00 AM

FUD, you are too much.

I think I can get my entire "weapon" inventory on one 4x6 picture!

------------------
God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country!

oberkommando sez:
"We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

William R. Wilburn · September 14, 2000, 11:08 AM

Mike Irwin: Thanks! ROTFLMAO

FUD: Made my day. GHUA

William

FUD · September 14, 2000, 11:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mr. Pub: How about a FUD web site with web cameras in every room ...[/quote]The baby playroom with the little one holding up an apple taken from the basket attached to the wall.

KaMaKaZe · September 14, 2000, 11:39 AM

Okay FUD.. I give up.

Which toy in that picture is concealing a weapon?

------------------
God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country!

oberkommando sez:
"We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

Ragin Cajun · September 14, 2000, 12:59 PM

Apple, my eye! That's a concealed / camouflaged grenade. The smiley face is a claymore.

Ledbetter · September 14, 2000, 01:27 PM

FUD,

What kind of holster is she using? I can't see where she's carrying her .25 ACP.

Nice swords, by the way. Which one for snakes, which one for gators and which for the BATF?

God help us all,

Ledbetter

buzz_knox · September 14, 2000, 02:20 PM

That's a beautiful little girl, FUD! Who's the father?

September 14, 2000, 05:45 AM	#11
KaMaKaZe Senior Member Join Date: July 24, 2000 Posts: 853	FUD, you aren't related to these people are you? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> 'Horror movie' scenes as berserk kangaroo terrorises family A kangaroo smashed through a glass front door and terrorised a Northern Territory family during a three-hour rampage through their home. Jabiru resident Mr Dean Khan armed himself with an empty bourbon bottle to take on what he assumed was a human home invader when he was woken by the crash of shattered glass shortly after midnight on Tuesday, police said. The 1.7-metre kangaroo, cut and bleeding, then bounded through the mining town house and over an 11-year-old boy - one of five children in the house. Unable to get the crazed animal out, the children's mother, Ms Lisa Miller, called police. One of the two officers who attended, Senior Constable Alistair Taylor, said the house looked like the set of a horror movie. "There was blood and broken glass everywhere, blood all over the child's bed and up the walls, and a puppy was cowering terrified in a corner," he said. Constable Taylor and Constable Tim Perry spent the next two hours trying to coax the wounded animal, which they suspected may have been chased into town by dingoes, out of the house. "It was hissing at us, rearing up at us boxing-like with its front paws," Constable Taylor said. The ordeal ended when police roped and hogtied the animal and bustled it into a police car. The kangaroo was later destroyed. [/quote] ------------------ God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country! oberkommando sez: "We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

September 14, 2000, 10:46 AM	#18
FUD Junior member Join Date: January 28, 2000 Posts: 1,727	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mal H: ... FUD has swords in his home? ...[/quote]Here's a photo of some of my swords -- the majority of them are locked up in the safe

September 14, 2000, 11:11 AM	#21
FUD Junior member Join Date: January 28, 2000 Posts: 1,727	<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mr. Pub: How about a FUD web site with web cameras in every room ...[/quote]The baby playroom with the little one holding up an apple taken from the basket attached to the wall.

September 13, 2000, 10:44 PM	#1
Mike Irwin Staff Join Date: April 13, 2000 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 41,380	TOP SECRET Date: 09/15/2000 Subject: Daily surveillance report Target: FUD, aka “FUD the Lucky,” aka “HOA FUD,” aka “FUDagator,” aka “Elmer” Agent: Mike “Skulder” Irwin Activities: 0530: On station outside subject’s residence. 0610: President of the local Homeowner’s Association out jogging. As HOA president passed subject’s house, he egged it repeatedly. 0713: Subject emerged from home with his lunch sack and proceeded to car parked in driveway. Midway to car he stopped and issued a “double-bird salute” in the general direction of the home of the president of his Homeowner’s Association. Subject was observed with a large bulge on his right side near proximity of his hip. It is likely that the subject maintains his practice of carrying a concealed weapon. God help us all. 0715: Subject slammed his left hand and right foot in car door while attempting to enter the automobile. I could hear subject cursing from across the street. 0716: Subject exited the driveway, forgetting the lunch he had placed on top of his automobile. Mrs. FUD makes a mean meatloaf and cheese sandwich. The container of stewed prunes was discarded. 0748: Subject arrived at his office. Judging by the fact that he was cursing loudly enough for me to hear him from 12 parking spaces away, it was obvious he missed his lunch. I belched, and made a mental note to, once the surveillance is completed, obtain Mrs. FUD’s meatloaf recipe. 0749: Subject slammed his tie in his car door and nearly decapitated himself when he tried to walk away. 0750: Subject made it to the front door of his office with no further incident, unless you consider accidently locking his briefcase in the newspaper dispenser an incident. God help us all. 1148: Subject emerged from his office. It was obvious that he had not been having a good day. His tie was shredded, his left eye was blackened, and his eyebrows appeared to be missing. (Note: A later interview with coworkers revealed the nature of these injuries. Tie: Subject accidentally caught tie in paper shredder. Blackened eye: Subject’s desk lamp, suddenly and in an unexplained fashion, swung and struck him. Eyebrows: Subject apparently overheated a “Pop Tart” in the microwave, and upon opening the door was struck with hot filling that removed said eyebrows. Coworker’s unanimous verdict? God help us all.) Continued on page 2..... ------------------ Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag. Chances are he knows how to use it.

September 13, 2000, 11:06 PM	#2
FUD Junior member Join Date: January 28, 2000 Posts: 1,727

September 13, 2000, 11:13 PM	#3
C.R.Sam Senior Member Join Date: October 29, 1999 Location: Dewey, AZ Posts: 12,858	God help us all.....it's catchin..I got it.

September 13, 2000, 11:20 PM	#4
beemerb Junior member Join Date: October 2, 1999 Location: AZ Posts: 1,759	Get C.R.Sam to tell you about his day.He is running a close Fud second day.I had to go home for my own safty. ------------------ Bob--- Age and deceit will overcome youth and speed. I'm old and deceitful.

September 13, 2000, 11:56 PM	#5
Coronach Senior Member Join Date: March 25, 1999 Posts: 3,147	I can barely type I'm laughing so hard. And I can't decide which is funnier, the report from our operative in the field, or the photograph. God Help Us All Mike ------------------ "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -Robert Heinlein

September 14, 2000, 12:03 AM	#6
4V50 Gary Staff Join Date: November 2, 1998 Location: Colorado Posts: 21,831	I hope Fud isn't intending to shave with those things. If you are, don't cuz I'll send ya a packet of disposables. We don't want to lose you Fud.

September 14, 2000, 12:26 AM	#7
FUD Junior member Join Date: January 28, 2000 Posts: 1,727	No, I don't shave with them. I always secure the swords first thing in the morning even before I shower & shave because they are razor sharp and I'm afraid that the little one might get her hands on them and accidently cut herself. Why the swords? Simple & short answer ... possible snakes -- a razor sharp sword (or two) is more effective than a gun and inside the house it is more practical to chop it than to shoot it. Regards, FUD.

September 14, 2000, 12:37 AM	#8
C.R.Sam Senior Member Join Date: October 29, 1999 Location: Dewey, AZ Posts: 12,858	Had a bad sword day. Hot, inspection formation on tarmack, parade rest for a long time, very sleepy, leanin a little on sword, admiral shows, call to attention, my sword was stuck in the tarmack, I was at attention and sword going twang wang wang, chief of staff pointed me out to the admiral. I really wanted to melt into the tarmac. Sam..clutzy didnt come with age, I came with it.

September 14, 2000, 12:49 AM	#9
Mal H Staff Join Date: March 20, 1999 Location: Somewhere in the woods of Northern Virginia Posts: 16,947	Mike - that was one of the best laughs I've had in weeks! FUD has swords in his home? God help us all! Now I know where the furniture stores get all their "distressed" furniture. It's come from FUD's house as he goes for the occasional snake. You know, the ones that go bump in the night.

September 14, 2000, 05:16 AM	#10
KaMaKaZe Senior Member Join Date: July 24, 2000 Posts: 853	Oh man.. at the rate these posts are going, I'd have to stay up all night to get a good laugh. I don't think this can wait until I make it into the office each morning! FUD should be the "poster child" for TFL. When are the next round of T-shirts printed? ------------------ God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country! oberkommando sez: "We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

September 14, 2000, 07:18 AM	#12
mcshot Senior Member Join Date: October 24, 1999 Location: Over da bridge, Mi Posts: 754	Does are beloved FUD's initials mean "F....in Up Daily"? I wouldn't get too close on those surveilance runs there Mike. After seeing the picture of our hero with swords I'm more concerned for the gators, snakes and neighbors than the big guy himself. Ya'll keep it comin ya hear! ------------------ "In my opinion, anyone pushing through anti-gun legislation is a bloody traitor and should be sent up for treason" N.H. Stuart

September 14, 2000, 07:31 AM	#13
buzz_knox Senior Member Join Date: December 2, 1999 Location: Knoxville, in the Free State of Tennesse Posts: 4,190	ROTFLMAO!

September 14, 2000, 08:04 AM	#14
FUD Junior member Join Date: January 28, 2000 Posts: 1,727	Agent Mike, Page two? (The morning one was excellent. Thanks, FUD)

September 14, 2000, 08:16 AM	#15
Glamdring Senior Member Join Date: April 23, 2000 Location: MN Posts: 1,388	...GOD HELP US ALL!

September 14, 2000, 09:44 AM	#16
Mike Irwin Staff Join Date: April 13, 2000 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 41,380	I'll write up page two when I stop laughing from page 1... ------------------ Beware the man with the S&W .357 Mag. Chances are he knows how to use it.

September 14, 2000, 10:35 AM	#17
Mr. Pub Senior Member Join Date: January 18, 2000 Posts: 392	How about a FUD web site with web cameras in every room like Dennis Rodman has at http://www.rodmantv.com/

September 14, 2000, 11:00 AM	#19
KaMaKaZe Senior Member Join Date: July 24, 2000 Posts: 853	FUD, you are too much. I think I can get my entire "weapon" inventory on one 4x6 picture! ------------------ God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country! oberkommando sez: "We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

September 14, 2000, 11:08 AM	#20
William R. Wilburn Senior Member Join Date: March 27, 2000 Posts: 192	Mike Irwin: Thanks! ROTFLMAO FUD: Made my day. GHUA William

September 14, 2000, 11:39 AM	#22
KaMaKaZe Senior Member Join Date: July 24, 2000 Posts: 853	Okay FUD.. I give up. Which toy in that picture is concealing a weapon? ------------------ God, Guns and Guts made this country a great country! oberkommando sez: "We lost the first and third and now they are after the Second!(no pun intended)"

September 14, 2000, 12:59 PM	#23
Ragin Cajun Senior Member Join Date: February 23, 2000 Posts: 265	Apple, my eye! That's a concealed / camouflaged grenade. The smiley face is a claymore.

September 14, 2000, 01:27 PM	#24
Ledbetter Senior Member Join Date: February 23, 2000 Location: California USA Posts: 4,533	FUD, What kind of holster is she using? I can't see where she's carrying her .25 ACP. Nice swords, by the way. Which one for snakes, which one for gators and which for the BATF? God help us all, Ledbetter

September 14, 2000, 02:20 PM	#25
buzz_knox Senior Member Join Date: December 2, 1999 Location: Knoxville, in the Free State of Tennesse Posts: 4,190	That's a beautiful little girl, FUD! Who's the father?