The deal-breaker

[CraZkid]

So you are all dressed up, in a fancy resturant that you probly can't afford on a first date with a very attractive young lady. She is into you, you are into her. You have a ton in common. It could be love.

She smiles and inquires as to your hobbies. You take a sip of wine (the bottle would have bought you a wincheaster value pack of .45 ACP) and say I collect and shoot handguns. She is appaled that such an apperently nice young man as yourself would associate himself with such vile things. You tell her, no they are fun, come to the range and see. She declines, makes an excuse and the night is over. You sit in your car on the way home thinking, Damn, for what I just spent I coulda had a hell of a fun time at the range!

Ever happen to any of you? Got me twice in the same month ! It is just so frusterating to find a girl into the "fun" stuff. Or at least open minded enough to try. One wasn't so bad, but after I revealed my addiction she said she did not like guns and it got akward. The other one went downhill like I asked her to preform some vile sex-act right there! She started arguing politics with me and I decided that I did not wish to endure it anymore, bid her a good night and paid to bill(slightly less this time, I can learn).

Those of you who found "miss right", how did you do it!

[Majic]

First we won't go anyplace that I can't afford. You start that routine and she's going to expect you to keep it up.
Second if there's something about me (guns, lifestyle, or whatever) that she finds out on the first date and complains about it then that will be the last time she sees me. Life is too short to go around listening to someone complaining all the time.

Always represent your true self so there will be no surprises for her later.

[eka]

Hey, it's better to know those things sooner rather than later. I would rather discover things that would make for a completely incompatable relationship up front. You just have to know who you really are and what is really non-negotiable. Who knows, for the right girl, maybe the firearms are history. And then again, maybe not . My suggestion is to keep walking and looking.

[gb_in_ga]

"Those of you who found "miss right", how did you do it!"

I've managed to do it twice.

First time, well, I found an "old fashioned" girl, who was raised on a ranch in West Texas around guns her whole life. Guns were part of the culture, so it wasn't an issue.

Second time around, I was older and had that much less time on my hands for "trolling", I posted a profile on one of the internet match sites that included that tidbit about my interests, along with other tidbits (like fishing). Ok, so I got a whole bunch of hate responses, but not all were that way, and they knew right from the get-go where I stood. And one of them stood out, and here she is. BTW -- she was born and raised in the W NC/E Tenn area, a hillbil.. er, "mountain girl". Again, guns were part of the culture.

BTW -- you did the right thing, cutting things short and not dragging out a so called relationship which would be doomed to failure.

CraZkid -- what part of the country are you in? Are you locked into "Blue Country"? Are you able to "troll" in more conservative areas, especially rural areas? You'll have "better fishing" there. It is like fishing -- if you want to find a nice, conservative woman who is more likely to not be anti-gun, you'll have to look where nice, conservative non-anti-gun women actually are.

[MrBill]

I've been lucky. The few women that I've known in my life have all worn the same uniform I was in, at any given time. That meant they were at least comfortable with firearms being part of the uniform, so it didn't bother them that I carried off duty, or enjoyed plinking on weekends. I have met "civilian women" who were whacked out on the idea that the world revolved around "love" and equated animals with humans, I thanked them for their conversation and time, and simply put them out of mind and got back to my beer.

[Kestrel]

Many years ago, when I was a single man, I met a new lady in our church single's department. She told me her name was "______ Wright".

I said, "Right"? My mother has told me all my life I would meet you one day..."

Ahem...

When my wife and I were early in our dating years, one evening she asked me, "One day, what if your wife doesn't want you to have all those guns?" I said, "Any woman that marries me will know beforehand that guns are an important part of me and my interests and if she doesn't like that, she needs to find herself a different husband before we got married."

I never heard another word about them.

[Bullrock]

I think you will find just as many men (well maybe a few less) as women have a distain for guns. Most of the time it's probably the politics, and not the gender.

Next time try feeling her OUT on her politics before you spring your gun hobby on her. And remember, there are always exceptions to almost every rule.

Good hunting!

[Shorts]

Those of you who found "miss right", how did you do it!

You don't let her know until it is too late

Just kiddin. As the others above have mentioned, if she is really truly repulsed to the point where it'd ruin the shooting hobby for you, you don't want her. I found out my husband liked to shoot when I was over at his place, he was showing me around and I saw his pistol on his nightstand. He asked if I wanted to go shooting sometime and I said sure.

I was raised around guns. Dad taught me to hunt and shoot. I was the son he never had Look in conservative areas for those conservative girls. I'm really styreotyping here (no flames please, I certainly know better than to styreotype outloud ), but city girls aren't your best shot (no pun intended) for finding miss right that likes guns. It can go either way, they'll know absolutely nothing about shooting, but they'll try it and like it/tolerate it. Or, they'll hate it right off the bat, enough for them to think you're a wack job. Country girls at the least will tolerate your addiction to it, their daddies always had guns so they're use to them.

How old are you anyway? If you're in your teens, forget finding "the one" right now. You've got plenty of growing to do before anyway

[CraZkid]

I am 21, living in the liberal part of Iowa (BARELY BUSH 2004!)

[chris in va]

First mistake. The lady enjoyed an expensive wine. We all know the REAL women drink cheap, fruity wine and shoot .45's.

[Chris W]

I'll swim upstream here. She's presumeably afraid of guns because she's never been around them or anyone who had anything to do with them. I'd give her a chance to get to know you before springing it on her; if that would be outright dissembling, then that's no good, but you could at least play it down for a while, until she gets to know that you're a likeable and trustworthy person. Then her view of the guns will be altered by her (hopefully positive) view of you.

I've lived my adult life in schools & in the academy, so if I had waited for a chick who dug guns, I'd be alone. You just gotta be gentle & sensitive to the touchy nature of the subject if you're thinking that this person is worth knowing in a special way (and she needs to know you can be this way when appropriate). 'Cause dude, I love to shoot my guns, but I'd throw them all in a ditch and drive away right now if they meant I would never have married my wife.

[CraZkid]

My guns are a non-negotiable point, "Our Liberties We Prize and Our Rights We Will Maintain" is on my state flag. My firearms are a tangible proof of both my rights and liberties and I cannot part with either; particularly over a woman (not to offend the ladies, but this is something I feel strongly about)

As for holding off on telling them, that sound like a good idea. If they still don't like my guns then they can walk.

[Sir William]

I simply explain that I am retired from a career of violence as a LEO, I am conservative, I believe in the death penalty, I dress up a few times a year in costumes that most people would not be seen in, I CCW and I smoke, drink and I am a dog tender. I like cats for moving targets and I eat what I kill most of the time. Sometimes I hunt just to donate the meat to the poor. I pay my bills and I appreciate others opinions. I listen and then do what I feel is best for me. I am single but, I have no shortage of numbers. My friends keep good wine and ales just for when I come over. The main thing is to let the other person know you are willing to evolve but, you are not willing to change to please them. Hello and goodbye works for me.

[Handy]

You might try having more than one hobby or activity to talk about. I think I'd look at you funny if that was the sum total of your private life you had to discuss.


Read a book, learn to draw. Guns are nifty, but never the only thing you have to say about yourself.

[gb_in_ga]

Handy, you are absolutely right. I know it sounds sacreligious on this board, but there actually are other things in life than guns. Take up something like photography along with shooting -- it is interesting, something else to talk about, and isn't threatening. It shows you as being more than a "1 trick pony" with a monomania. Read some. Go to the theater (not movies, but live) once in a while. Not only does it broaden your horizons, but it gives you something besides shooting to talk about.

It is entirely possible that you encounter someone who is neither pro-gun nor anti-gun, but just doesn't care much one way or the other. Such a person should not be discounted, but you will need something other than shooting to talk about if you are to have any chance with her.

[smokinron]

To Sir William:That hit the nail on the head!
My wife of 21 years still thinks I'm nuts when it comes to my guns, but she'll also tell you that there has been twice or 3 times she was glad I had one around.
Between me & our 2 sons, she knows she's fighting a losing battle

[novus collectus]

Handy that is good advice but if they find out before they get to like you enough to over look their prejudice of guns then it will go no further. I have had this happen to me quite a few times. Being a liberal (moderate that loves guns) in a state that is mostly liberal and being attracted to liberal girls ( ) I am still single at the age of 35. They always give me that disgusted "can't beleive you're one of them that my minister said kills people and do you shoot whales too?" look. If I can ever get the girl to shoot with me or realize that it is a sport and not intended to kill (unless absolutely necessary) then I know I will find a life partner. I would say that they look at me as if I had just told them I like to dress up in womens clothes (which I don't) but I have a relative in Md that wears womens cloths that gets more girlfriends than I do. The web date thing that finds a gun-neutral-girl match for me sounds like a good idea right now.

[FrankDrebin]

Where I lived in my single and dating days, considering the places I took them and/or met them, my dates were usually happy that I had a gun or two on me.

[Edward429451]

I did it the easy way, took her shooting for our first date. A bucket of KFC & some soft drinks and a 22 rifle. She hadn't ever shot a gun before, had bad visions of guns in her head from never having been exposed to them in a good realistic way. She showed some consternation when I first mentioned it but we was getting in the car so she had to go with the flow. She had so much fun and something real to counter the media propagated fears with that ta da, she married me and started buying me guns.

Maybe not mentioning guns to them until you're able to take them shooting and give them some good visions and fun is the way to go. It worked for me.

Start small with a 22, rifle so its quiet and easy, and when they bounce a tin can first time out, I don't think they can not feel the empowerment and fun that goes with it! Mm mm mm, I love that woman.

[Dead]

Some of my friends know I have "guns" though they only know that I have "guns" not exactly what I have or whatever. However that being said, anyone who is like "I dont like GUNS", that I have taken to the range, warms up once they actually go out and TRY them, then they want to go again and again!

Oh by the way if you are interested in a girl, and she HATES guns so much that she walks out on you during dinner or whatever, F her! You relationship is doomed even if you did make it past the first night, UNLESS she really warms up to them nice gentle little firearms. (The fact that she DOESNT walk out, and will see you again could be a sign that she is willing)

[Bogie]

Before I even go out, I ask them if they're comfortable around firearms, as I'm into competitive target shooting, and that is one thing which I'm not going to give up.

Watch out tho - I had one girl I dated who thought that I'd "protect" her from a former boyfriend. After she realized that I had no such intentions beyond dialing 911 and waiting for the guy to come through the door, she ended up dating a mall ninja security guard - that was around 8-9 years ago. I don't know how long she stuck with him.

[Vitamin G]

I dont mention guns (unless she does) until a few dates into it (or i'm taking my pants off)...

She'll ask me "You mean you're carrying a gun right now?"

The face she makes after "Sweety, You've never seen me UNarmed" is priceless.


If she sticks around, she's worth it.

[jefnvk]

I like cats for moving targets and I eat what I kill most of the time.

You eat cats?

(sorry )

You should troll the gun ranges for your next date.

[perception]

Vitamin G, was there jut the other night, taking the clothes off when she sees the gun. Just couldnt believe that I would be carrying a gun around.

[Vitamin G]

Someone's had better luck lately than I have