Kodiac Is Sick Of: Fake Bullet Holes

[George Hill]

Its now just 2 minutes into Halloween and I am full of piss and vinegar. I had to run out on a quick errand and saw a brand spanking new car - window sticker and all - with those retarded bullet hole stickers all over it. I am sick and tired of these fake bullet hole stickers. What kinda of a goober would put those on his or her car? I'll tell you who - the same people that think "Bubba Teeth" are the coolest thing since the WWF's "The Rock". These guys are not even real rednecks - these guys are just Wanna-Be-Rednecks. Jeff Foxworthy would have a field day with these bumbs. A real red neck would have REAL bullet holes in his truck. Fake bullet holes... How is that supposed to be cool? What is next? Fake Cracked window glass? I tell you guys what - for NO CHARGE I will offer my services of making REAL freaking bullet holes in your car. All you need to do is meet me with a waiver of liability and I will blow the crap out of your car with a .45 loaded with honest to gawd real bullets. Probably 185 grain +P Golden Sabers that penetrate automotive sheet metal nice and easily yet still leaves an attractive, authentic, red neck approved bullet hole. This I will do for free for any person who wishes to have that "Bosnia look". You know what? I may even forget about the waiver and just freaking plug the next danged vehicle I see with these lame-arse stickers. What are these stickers supposed to be communicating? How are these supposed to be cool? Do they say "Hey, this is what Sarah Brady was warning us about?" Are they saying "I might be too freaking stupid to own a gun, but at least I can still drive my Ford!" I know, maybe they are a desperate cry from closet rednecks that are screaming inside for the resurrection of the old show "HEE HAW". I know one thing is for sure... I have a broken digital watch that is more clever than these idiots.
I would really like to think that there are no TFL members with these stickers... If you do have one or several on your vehicle... Please... dont admit it. I do however suspect a few who I just know HAS to have several on his car... or maybe even every vehicle he has. No - I wont name names. You know who you are. These are the same guys that laugh out loud at the sight of a "Calvin peeing on" sticker. I especially loved the one that had the word "COPS" under the little pee splash. Yeah... I saw that one. Guy had been pulled over too. Who here thinks that guy got off with just a warning? Brilliant move bozo. To me, stickers are tacky. I can understand one or two window stickers or a bumper sticker if they are really important to the owner. But overall - I think they are TACKY. Especially on a brand new freaking VW Beetle. Isnt that a disconnect anyway? Isnt the Beetle supposed to be the heart and soul of automotive peacenik nirvana? Are they trying to be funny or are they trying to communicate the duality of man? Or maybe I have a flashlight with dead batteries that is brighter than that Git. I am sick of those stickers. Bullet Hole stickers... Who thought that one up? What brainiac came up with that idea? Same guy that made the Pet Rock? This just proves a few things to me. 1. The average american civilian is a freaking moron... 2. People do not know what cool is anymore. I really can't blame them either... Britany Spears remains popular for no other reason than having boobs and the American automotive industry hasnt made anything really cool since 1969. Dont tell me about the Viper - I know the danged Viper and its just a rehash of the AC Cobra by a group of designers too lame to come up with a new design. I bet that we will see these stickers banned from schools and come company parking lots. I bet money on it. It will happen... you'll see. Taste is something that you can not buy at a truck stop... But you can buy BULLET HOLE STICKERS there!
These stickers do have some use... if your at a range - and a guy pulls up to do some shooting in a rig that has these stickers on them... You know INSTANTLY that he is a freakin moron and listening to any of his sage advice is something that you should do right after you take that bath with a running hair drier.

[Mike Irwin]

So, whip out your carry gun and give them a few REAL bullet holes.

They'll probably thank you for adding a touch of authenticity to their Halloween celebration. Oh yeah, be sure to yell "I did it for the children!" as the policel lead you away in handcuffs.

While we're on the subject, perhaps Kodiak could get sick of long rants posted in one huge paragraph?

[Bud Helms]

Well, crap! I was thinkin' about gettin' some of those and putting a row down the side of my wife's car, George. Now what am I gonna doooo ... ?

[hube1236]

George,

Ok on the bullit holes, I will let the comment re the teeth go, but if you go after my luxurious wax lips, I am going to have to find you and beat your as$

[Guyon]

George, you really need to monitor that caffeine intake. And don't knock Hee-Haw. That's dangerous territory.

Even better if you replaced the fake bullet holes with fresh, real ones without the owner knowing it. Later on, he'll try to peel them off, and whaddya know? Them holes don't peel.

[dinosaur]

I hadn`t seen any of those stickers for years but in the last week they seem to be all over the place.

Stop picking on the Viper. Those clown shoes are pretty popular. Even though a Corvette is much more comfortable and costs about $25,000 less, it`s cool to own.

[Dennis]

George,
"I would really like to think that there are no TFL members with these stickers... If you do have one or several on your vehicle... Please... dont admit it. "

I don't put them on my car ( :barf: ) but I keep a few for "special occasions."

Years ago, in San Antonio, my neighbor was a 6'4" neighborhood bully. Everyone was intimidated by his size and loud, threatening demeanor.

He yelled at my girls (5- 6-y/o). I explained in words of one syllable (not found in most dictionaries) that the girls were in my yard and none of his business. (Season comments with rabid adjectives, nouns and verbs to taste. )

In the ensuing discussion, he threatened me with extreme physical harm. I explained what made up the difference in the "some men big, some men small" saying and then shut up. He huffed a bit and left.

Late that night, I sneaked over and put four fake bullet holes on his truck - two on the windshield (1" apart, directly in his line of sight) and two on the side window (at the level of his ear).

We exhanged glares after that - but never another word.

Long live the power of the sticker (when it's backed up with a .45!).

All I am saying, is give piece a chance.

[Sodbuster]

Those things really happen. About three years ago, a guy with the ugliest, old green Saab you've ever seen parked it at a trailhead and went hiking. When he returned to his car, it was full of bullet holes. Around here no one gave it much thought, except for the owner I suppose. It's not known if the shooter(s?) disliked the owner that much, or if it was the car that provoked the attack. But it didn't have fake bullet holes to start with.

[Paul K]

Wow. I ENJOYED reading that rant....
good rant i say george....

OMG...i just noticed he posted this rant at 3am...hummm

[Mike in VA]

He's baaaaaack! Haven't read a good Kodiac rant in a while.

BTW, I agree generally, fake bullet holes are pretty lame (though I thought they were funny in high school - I guess that sez it all), but at least they don't rust the way the real ones do.

Dennis, that's really funny!

And the Viper? Just another plastic penis extender, IMO. Given its displacement vs top speed, it's a limp one, too.

[Ragin Cajun]

Are you sure it was only coffee in that cup?

[Zundfolge]

/me buys George Hill a beer

[dwesson445]

Didn't see much vinegar in that.

[falconer]

Where can one find some bullet hole stickers?

It seems that my idiot roommate thinks that since I own guns and dislike his constantly loud obnoxious music, I am going to walk in with my .45 one day and blow his radio to hell.

I really didn't appreciate those comments last night, but those stickers might just get him to shut his trap.

[George Hill]

I posted the decaffinated version here... MadOgre.com has the full strength "MilSpec" version.

Mike... Byte Me. I have things in sections at Mad Ogre for a reason... This rant was a cut and paste from there then a careful edit to remove all words that are not TFL Approved. Breaking a good rant down for good grammar is something I wasn't feeling like doing for TFL and Mad Ogre. I save that for work, where I often have to write for a more sheepish crowd.

Um, wait a minute, there, George. Didn't you bash "mil-spec" in a similar rant a while back? To the effect that "'mil-spec' means 'low bid crap'"?

[Doug444]

Just a thought here, folks. Based upon a relatively recent experience here at work where a disgruntled employee put just such stickers on the owners car, then proceeded to verbally threaten individuals (the final net result for him was a very generous severance package, which he's blown through and STILL not employed, and has resumed threatening current employees - yes the police are informed), it would be my guess that the individual with the new, still stickered car was NOT the one who placed the fake holes. (See Dennis' post if you want further explaination). In some jurisdictions that COULD be considered "menacing" or "terroristic threats", so you won't find ME putting them on anyone else's stuff. Could also be considered "provocation" if it escalated. Bad mojo, boys.

Neither an LEO nor a lawyer am I, but I do believe in common sense (though there's so little of it left, it seems). Just MHO.

Doug444

[Nightcrawler]

I put one of those on my car when I was sixteen. It's still there.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

I'm so ashamed....

[C.R.Sam]

Quite a few years ago, one of my vans wandered off by itself and was later recovered in East L.A. It had acquired a marvelous collection of holes in the bodywork, including an angled slug hole. Didn't really want to get it repaired but since it leaked like a sieve and was a work truck, I reluctantly got it fixed.

Ever since, when observing fake bullet holes, I've been tempted to tighten up the group with real ones.

Tis a shame that George lets his staff status temper his postings. Would be nice to know how he really felt.

Sam....

[Dennis]

Doug says, "In some jurisdictions that COULD be considered "menacing" or "terroristic threats", so you won't find ME putting them on anyone else's stuff. Could also be considered "provocation" if it escalated. Bad mojo, boys."

And I agree wholeheartedly.

My story happened nearly twenty years ago. Back then we weren't so sensitive (or emasculated). It was the other guy who threatened me - I just didn't back down as he had come to expect of our neighborhood types.

Besides, placing the stickers was a "covert" operation.

I even wore a "black, tactical" T-shirt!

(That was for YOU, Kodiac! )

Oops! I mean, "Whoever" did it wore a black shirt, etc....

[:feigned innocent look:]

Doug's right though. Times have changed. (long sigh... )

[AC's & 45's]

Damn George! You'll be glad to know all of my vehicles have
" Genuine ,certified, authentic, real", bullet holes in them".

I understand your frustration with the idiots of the world, but what's up man?

[dZ]

where does one get these?

my favorite of late is the local "tin man" vinyl siding dood with the Toyota MR2 with the ferrari stickers

we say "nice Ferrari" as he circles the cul-de-sac looking for victims

[Bogie]

I'm guilty.

I've got a BUNCH of those stickers on my truck.

Four on the driver's side door, and four or five on the tailgate.

They were purchased, and applied, at Knob Creek, and the 'groups' appear to have been caused by full-auto fire.

The overall appearance of the truck can best be described as "woodland camo" with a LOT of bumper stickers on the camper shell...

It's fun.

And George, if we ever meet at a range, and it is feasible to do so without causing major structural damage or inoperability, you may shoot my truck.

[Monkeyleg]

Other than being a matter of taste, those stickers might also invite trouble.

A couple of years ago, a young client of mine was driving his newly-restored BMW in a high-crime area. The car had the blacked-out windows and low-profile tires. He and his buddies quickly found themselves surrounded by several squad cars, with the officers behind their squad doors aiming their guns at the car. The officers were shouting, but my client couldn't hear them because the stereo was too loud, and tried to communicate that fact. One officer approached the car, held his pistol to my client's head and told him to then turn down the stereo.

Once outside the car, my client and his friends were forced to the sidewalk and put through the usual methods of restraint. It was only then that one of the officers noticed the car had no bullet holes.

The car they were looking for was a spot-on copy of my client's, and had been involved in a driveby shooting where shots were returned.

Ok, ok, so the decals wouldn't have made a difference. But, it's a good story.

[Paul K]

Yes! that reminds me! george did bash mil spec! lol!
sorry george, for making fun of you.